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Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent
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@RightMeow said in Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent:
That’s it. I’m just tired.
The biggest thing impacting people, both (diagnosed) mentally ill and not, who see me professionally (am therapist, much counselling, wow) is just…
The world be the way it is, and it’s shit for a lot of us. You’re definitely not alone in feeling the way you do. I’ve got all these tools and all this training, and it still just sucks.
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@RightMeow I have felt this the past two months, my motivation is gone lately and all I want to do is sleep. I keep putting one foot in front of the other, but sometimes I just don’t want to.
I hope things look up for you, and motivation returns sooner rather than later.
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I do not enjoy my schedule forcing me to cram the RP in but such is life.
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Oh my God.
Okay.
So, the whole country is I guess in a public defender shortage right now but I am only really aware of it in so far as it impacts me personally, which is a lot. I work indigent defense as a contractor in a rural county. There are only two of us left because everyone else either quit or retired. I work a lot! I work more than I used to. I never think I work enough, but all my colleagues say I work too much.
I won’t go into the details too much here, but basically, I’m at capacity. They can’t give me any more work. Somehow every time I close a case, I agree to take on another one which somehow becomes 2 or 3. Anytime a client that I have an active case with commits another crime (excuse me, is alleged to have committed another crime) I get their new one too. They recently added a third attorney so there will be 3 of us instead of 2, and they’ve hired some “overflow” contractors to help get us out of this mess to take on a limited number of clients (at a substantially higher rate of pay than I am contracted for, which… is … going to come up when we renegotiate these contracts later this year but never mind).
This post is not about how broken this is.
This post is because a thing just happened to me that I was so mad about that one discord rant about it was not enough.
This lady contacted me via 3 text messages and a voicemail over the past two days, asking me to represent her son who is incarcerated. She explained that he was really upset by something that the overflow attorney working his case said to him, so could I represent him instead. I explained that I am at capacity right now so it would be pretty unfair for me to take on paid cases. She basically explained that she hadn’t intended to pay me, she just wanted her precious baby to get to pick his public defender off the fucking department store rack.
If I ever meet this lady in person, I am going to punch her in the throat.
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@sao said in Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent:
If I ever meet this lady in person, I am going to punch her in the throat.
You do that and you may require a public defender…and with a shortage, wouldn’t that be your competitors?
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@Kassien I’m afraid I wouldn’t qualify for a public defender!
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Another school year (year 14) has passed. I’m feeling really meh about it. My position this year was half of two different teams, and that made it hard to really integrate anywhere. My relationships with kids were way more shallow then I would like.
Just leaving me flat.
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I know this is a first world problem and people have it way way way worse but…
I am over my current career. However, the idea of changing it makes me tired. The idea of finding a new job is annoying because I’m at a certain pay range that I don’t really want to lose. I don’t hate it, but I’m burned out in it. I feel too old to start something else (and probably too tired now). I just feel stuck.
Like I said, not the worst vent to have but it’s where I am.
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@RightMeow If you ever feel like just ranting at somebody and venting, you know where to find me. Anytime.
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@RightMeow said in Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent:
I know this is a first world problem and people have it way way way worse but…
I am over my current career. However, the idea of changing it makes me tired. The idea of finding a new job is annoying because I’m at a certain pay range that I don’t really want to lose. I don’t hate it, but I’m burned out in it. I feel too old to start something else (and probably too tired now). I just feel stuck.
Like I said, not the worst vent to have but it’s where I am.
Kind of in the same place.
I’m not exactly over my current career, but the workplace has changed to where we’ve lost our big contracts that were meaning we weren’t having to do the funding scramble, and I hate the funding scramble. I want something with a bit more stability, and I want to leave on my terms before the funding runs out and I have no other options.
But I absolutely despite the job search, I also don’t want to lose my decent salary, or my progress towards student loan forgiveness. And I don’t feel like I can be as adventurous as I might otherwise be because my elderly father lives with me and I pay all the bills.
Also, I’m generally lonely and crushingly sad about various things, including the utter failure of my writing, so it’s just like every day is stumbling blindly, hoping not to get hit by any disasters but never really being happy.
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It’s coming to almost a year that I was fired from my six year career. In that same month, I came far closer to checking out early that I had in my life just by the stress that job caused me, which coincidentally is what got me let go.
I’m in an infinitely better job now and have been since October. An amazing manager, a good small team of coworkers that doesn’t have any interwork drama beyond shift griping. I’m not micromanaged, and I have a level of agency and freedom that I have no experienced in the workplace since, well, forever.
This has come at the cost of pay and some amount of stability. I didn’t expect taking a $5 paycut would hurt me and my spouse as much as it has. And this has put an additional level of stress on both of us, even if I can safety say that it’s not the kind of stress I was experiencing last year. I want to apply to a different position in this company, but there’s a one year waiting term for all new employees before trying to move into another department.
My spouse is going through a series of struggles that I will not go too mcuh into depth, but it involved having medical issues that have so far haven’t been able to be diagnosed properly, as well as trying to accept that because of our financial situation, we will likely not own a home or have kids.
I tell her she shouldn’t blame herself for that, we both had career setbacks for different reasons. I don’t think it really takes that kind of pain away, and I’m certainly not going to downplay it.
So overall, it’s been one mixed bag this last year. But I can’t help but often feel this sense of futility to it all.
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my school (out for the summer for the academic year program but with toddlers through 6th graders still in care for ‘summer camp’) just had to shut down and is now consolidating the programs to one campus with a higher staff visible presence and two weeks of police patrolling because a threat was called in. it is not considered high risk because a lot of schools have been hit with it and it did not come from a local source.
but still.
we did have a suspicious person show up lingering around the day before yesterday that I saw with my own eyes. He was escorted off property by our staff and that was later moved along further by police.
that is kind of what even early childhood educators have to deal with now.
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I hate when I can’t tell if I’m sick or not. I think I have a chills situation going on right now, amongst other fun, but all I’ve got to go on is “I feel different,” and not in a bad way. It’s like my body’s equilibrium is off and I’m sensing that, except I have no idea which way the scale is tilting.
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Self peeve of the day - two actually.
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I’m going to really commit to being healthy — 2 hours later – oh hey, chips.
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I’m going to be an adult and follow a budget. I’m super excited about this. — Sure, let’s go to dinner. Hmm, I don’t need that thing, but I think I’ll buy it anyways.
I’d like to blame my ADHD and the serotonin, but I think it’s just me and it’s really frustrating some days. I know I can do better about it, but you know… I don’t. Or let’s focus on getting a good night’s sleep and going to bed at a great time — while posting on a forum at 11:50pm.
Sorry, carry on. Just venting at the void about my life decisions.
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So, in the last couple of months I got to witness closing arguments in the NYC of Trump. My son and I went on an epic near 30-day road trip and visiting seven of the ten greatest national parks (Rocky Mountain, Tetons, Yellowstone, Sequoia, Yosemite, Zion, Bryce, and the Grand Canyon). Been an amazing journey.
But today in the line to get my box of bagels the cashier looked over to me and gave me a senior citizen discount, she let me know and I was horrified – I am 44.
So I went white early (late 30’s) and I can’t not sport a beard. I’m bald and keep my head shaved.
Should I dye the beard back red to its natural color? Or is that just a horrible decision for men?
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I would just embrace your occasional senior discount for longer than some of us get to claim it.
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Take the discount. Enjoy the bagels. Life is short and precious, and if you get to pay a few less dimes for a few years extra? You’ve more than earned the discounts in other ways. Rock the white beard and pay no attention to the rest of it.
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@Buttercup said in Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent:
So, in the last couple of months I got to witness closing arguments in the NYC of Trump. My son and I went on an epic near 30-day road trip and visiting seven of the ten greatest national parks (Rocky Mountain, Tetons, Yellowstone, Sequoia, Yosemite, Zion, Bryce, and the Grand Canyon). Been an amazing journey.
But today in the line to get my box of bagels the cashier looked over to me and gave me a senior citizen discount, she let me know and I was horrified – I am 44.
So I went white early (late 30’s) and I can’t not sport a beard. I’m bald and keep my head shaved.
Should I dye the beard back red to its natural color? Or is that just a horrible decision for men?
I’m with the ‘enjoy the discount and don’t worry about it’ crowd. However, it’s your body and if it’s bothering you…
I wouldn’t go full beard dye. One of my former bosses used to dye his very white hair back to its natural dark blond shade and it was striking enough that I could always tell when his wife had done it for him that weekend versus when he was due for for a touch-up because of how much the color faded and how unnatural it looked for the first week.
I’d go with using a beard comb to apply it to some hair but not all of it and blending colors. (Kind of like highlights, but for your face?) I say this because my father-in-law is a natural ginger who, in the time I’ve known him, has now gone completely, solidly, kids would go ‘Santa!’ at him if he weren’t such a thin man levels of white hair and beard. But for the first decade I knew him, the blend of natural red and white looked blond and I - along with a lot of people - had no idea he was going gray at all. It wasn’t until I saw his wedding picture with my mother-in-law that I realized he actually had bright red hair and apparently, that was a response he got all the time for about 15-20 years.
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I didn’t get a promotion at work despite being more prepared for the role because a man existed who was older than me.
Who had applied for a lower position? Not even the one I was applying for.
An external candidate.
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My mom’s dementia has gotten severe enough that she was put into hospice care last week. I’m doing okay, I don’t really want to talk about it but if you notice I’m scare, well, that’s why.
