I know that this is a minor thing with everything going on in the world. However, I started going back to school full-time (while working full-time) in January. I just got my letter that I got on the Dean’s List.

I came to a game when asked by a friend.
I created a char and that char became platonic friends with Ruiz’ character. They presented to me IC as gay, so flirting was just teasing not serious IC.

Then they put me in a very trauma inducing scene. They refused to let me leave the scene. Then when their IC SO got upset OOC. They asked for a retcon. I felt OOC violated but at the same time (I know it sounds stupid) I felt like I had done something wrong in it. So I said sure and it would probably be best that we not interact.

Then they would come into any scene that I was publicly in to make me nope out. They would page me how I was being mean to them and showing how horrible I was. How I just used people, etc. and that’s shown by my distancing myself. — Ignore I was trying to create a boundary.

They would also tell me about their RL difficulties and that is why they couldn’t read the room, etc.

Then I just silently left the game. No fanfare. I would log on and just be struck with an inability to talk to anyone or do anything because I thought they would show up.

The person that started out as my friend was no longer my friend without explanation and I was hurt and unsure how to process that, but I just walked away.

After I left, someone finally asked me what happened there in a private message because shit was going down for others. So I told them what happened and what went down. This is where I learned that they were telling people lies about the interactions, about my RL intergrity, and just a whole lot of bad shit.

They know what they are doing. They don’t care or they would stop doing it. I’m sure they aren’t the evil because I normally think people aren’t but hurting others isn’t a cry for help; it’s abuse.

That said. I’m not fully sure I’m fully over it now. I still get panic over thinking I’ve mis-stepped or whatnot and I don’t want to form friendships OOC and a lot more that’s come from it.

Anyways. That’s my run in, on this board as well.

Moving on – just realize there are real people behind the fictional characters online. Take a deep breath and just try to be kind.

I get people all the time looking at me and asking how I can possibly forget to eat when I have a day off. I tried to explain it once.

Start - I’m hungry I should make a sandwich
Walk in kitchen
Notice dishes aren’t put away
Put dishes away
Consider the cabinet
Decide to re-organize the dish cabinet
Look at the other cabinets.
Remember that you were supposed to text someone
Send text
Why am I hungry?
Go to make sandwich
Get out plate - feel like you accomplished something looking at your organized dishes
Open fridge
Realize that you forgot to throw out some leftovers
Throw out leftovers
Trash has to go out
You should probably make it one trip
Clean out fridge
Decide to clean out fridge
Might as well do freezer
Stand there trying to remember what you were originally doing because you know it was something not fridge related
Oh right! Trash
Take out trash
Probably should get mail. Is it Sunday? That would be really awkward if the neighbors saw you check mail on Sunday. You know there is no mail on Sunday, but would they know you know? Mentally review your week
It’s Wednesday, check mail.
Go back inside
Oh, dog needs out
Come back, respond to text
Still hungry
Remember you were making a sandwich
Look at clock
It’s pretty close to next meal, should you eat now or wait
This debate lingers far more than it should
Ponder dinner
Look for dinner ideas
Get up to remember what you don’t have frozen as you don’t have time to defrost it
Go back to looking up dinner ideas
Read boards (ahem)
Still hungry.
Look at time.
Ponder if you have time to eat before bed.
You have to eat
Order pizza/grubhub/etc because hey it will get here
Remember you have a plate on the counter
…

It goes on and on.

I just want everyone to know that I have appreciated each and every one of you. I know I’m not ‘in crowd’ or anything, but thank you for all the stories. I’m not leaving this board like I posted on the other one. I just want to let you all know too.

On MSB - all of you being involved with me or reaching out led to my handling of DownWithOPP and with my issues with Ruiz. I’m avoidant IRL about emotions and stuff, so it helped. I would never have said anything if no one reached out. Also IRL - the ADHD board led me to a diagnosis that helped my RL. While I’m quiet a lot and I don’t share personal things too much - I just want you all to know that I appreciate each of you.

I also wanted to post it on this board because it’s spawned on MSB and those things happening happened there. So thank you. Thank you for engaging with me here and there. Thank you for RPing with Esme on Arx. I have enjoyed every scene, every time.

Okay, carry on.

Thank you.

As my return to school isn’t a big deal to anyone in my actual life, I just wanted to share because I can. I am about halfway through my estimated timetable on my degree. I am double majoring with 18 credit semesters while working management for 40+ hours. I’m in accelerated courses to achieve the goal faster. I just got my certificates to say that I have again maintained my dean list holding that I’ve had the whole time and a merit award for taking part in the student insight committee.

That is all. I return you back to the game opens, closes, and dramas.

Thank you for reading.

@shit-piss-love

I had a person or two reach out in private message to me here to invite me to their games. I didn’t have the spoons for it at the time, but I fucking appreciated it. So maybe if you open a game, just send them a chat you’d like them to play there. That way it’s not public but you don’t have to have Discord or other OOC connections. This coming from someone who doesn’t discord.

@hobos said in hobos Temporary Ban Discussion Thread:

… makes me doubt that every actual predator that you all have dogpiled in this hobby is even a predator at all.

Nope. We are not doing this today. I understand you are upset and I am not validating their comments about you. However, we are not going to go down the road you are steering. Please just don’t. As a person who dealt with one of these people, don’t invalidate my experience because you are angry at someone or something said to you.

Please just don’t.

Also, this is not a peeve. I don’t actually have a MU peeve. This is a MU sad sorta. To me.

I have been playing in this hobby longer than some of you have been alive (that’s sad on a different level for me) and I think this year I’ve decided to step away from it.

There is no drama. There is no hard feelings. My life just doesn’t fit around it anymore. As well as play not being available to keep me invested. This is NOT a gripe. It’s my ADHD brain that wanders and fills my time if not occupied. I’m just a little sad to think my MU* time might be just done. I know it will always be there to come back to and I’m sure I’ll lurk on this site because I have a sick fascination with it. It’s just hard to put into words. Like … oh… but that oh holds so much.

That said. I got to spend the last year or so catching back up with people that I haven’t spoken to in years. I got to hear how their RL lives are going and see how their story telling (and mine) have changed. I got to get giddy running into people that do actually cross my mind from time to time. So I’m pretty excited about that and if I have RPed with you this last year. I have ENJOYED it. If I have paged you, I feel HONORED to catch up and I feel undeserving to those that got excited to meet back up with me.

No matter our differences and our opinions and sometimes our toxic rightness, I appreciate the people of this community.

I’m just in my feels about this realization and I’m just sharing to people who might understand (my RL people are not MU* people).

So in conclusion to my brain dump you all!

So this isn’t a vent well it sort of is but it’s like 90% good and 10% sad.

Last week I started tracking food and being more accountable to myself about my food choices. It went fine. I felt fine. No headaches that sometimes come with it. I went out to dinner with a friend. I just accounted for it and ate super super clean the day before and day after.

I do my weight check-in on Monday with myself and I lost 2.3 pounds. Not drinking enough water or added exercise yet. I really just started meal prepping my lunches, etc.

So my 90% is that I’m super proud of me. Small victory, but a victory. My 10%? I can’t share this with anyone in my life. They would just say it’s water weight or that it’s just two pounds in a first week and come back after it’s 10 pounds or more.

I’m keeping this to myself because I don’t want the people around me to defeat me, but sometimes it also sucks, you know?

Anyways – thank you for reading!

Remember to be kind we are all on our own journeys in life.

… oops?

I made a post about the bannings (as I got home and caught up). Then Derp posted. Then he deleted it but I was 10 paragraphs into my response.

Well, my bad.

Also, not that I’m involved (or my opinion matters in the grand scheme of things), but I respect all of you. I have enjoyed all the interactions even if I didn’t agree. I don’t think this was warranted. I know everyone is joking, but I’m sorry that it happened to you.

Now, back to the lies and slander.

Player linking bits I think is a whole topic in and of itself with different ramifications than staff bits. Staff bits have an implied power aspect and control difference.

I don’t even think it’s done for ill will, but it can still be jarring. If you think person X is this cool person that you have been playing with, spawning ideas with, cracking jokes with, and maybe sharing RL information with – and then you find out they are someone else. It’s a trust issue. It doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world, but it can disillusion a person. If that happens, sadly every thing done on either alt becomes suspect. Then it starts the brain worm of what else weren’t they upfront about. These kind of small choices have large and lasting impressions.

As a player, you absolutely have a right to complete privacy for your comfort, protection, or preference. As an admin on a game, you have a bit less. You don’t have to disclose your personal information ever, however, you do have to disclose you are the CEO of the game that others are playing. Like stated before it’s the implied trust part of it.

That’s at least my thoughts, doesn’t mean it’s right, but it’s my opinion.

@Prototart

Thank you. It’s the bright blue hair. It fools people.

Also, you can never have that toxic love like you did as a teenager where you LOVED them and people were RUINING YOUR LIFE by saying otherwise.

@bear_necessities

You already know the tea. It’s just the absolute control she had to have over every character action. Women characters were held to a far higher standard. She’d nitpick decisions, make scenes to just lecture, etc.

Rinse. Repeat.

I’m sure they are a good person, but the way they admin left a sour taste in my mouth.

@bear_necessities said in Neon Protocol:

The staff at Neon Protocol is likely the same person that ran The Becoming. I don’t believe that is the same person as jujube/inuki/etc.

Oh. Hard Pass. Hard pass on all their games. Not shocked by this thread now.

My peeve is that this hobby is like a teenage toxic ex to me. I want to give it time, but I don’t have time to really give it. I like the good times, but the bad times were BAD. However, I still really love and miss it. I can’t really quit it, but I can’t start it and I’m in a loop of I miss the stories and writing, but then… but then.

I love all of you though!

@bear_necessities said in Neon Protocol:

@helvetica what’s even worse IMO is that the staff alt will submit jobs under their alt and then they will answer themselves in said job as the staff bit. Which is just… lol crazy IMO

OMG. This reminds me of Fort Bloodshed (I’m old old, okay leave me alone and get off my lawn) when I found out the third staffer who had a whole RL story ‘he’ would tell. Was actually just the second female staffer. This third one would even jump in to be the staff tie breaker.

Oh. This hobby.

@SockMonkey

I had a char with maxed out skills because it was their focus in life. It’s all they wanted to do. I spent RL years investing and RPing and justifying and they were just the top of their game. We were in a scene and I was like YES! This is their moment. Everything they’ve worked for. This is finally when they will shine.

Roll.

Critical Failure.

I’m not going to lie I just stared at my screen for a long moment in silence and then started laughing. I’m sure I looked insane IRL. I mean I rolled with it, but damn.

I am not actively on a game (sigh) however, I don’t see the harm in mid-scene skill raises. Most of those scenes, you are fighting an NPC. If it’s PvP, well who’s to say someone didn’t skill up just before entering the scene? Isn’t that basically the same? If you earned the XP when you spend it shouldn’t really matter. Or maybe I’m just not seeing why it does matter. What does it hurt or what does it do? Maybe I’m just not understanding the issue.

As my return to school isn’t a big deal to anyone in my actual life, I just wanted to share because I can. I am about halfway through my estimated timetable on my degree. I am double majoring with 18 credit semesters while working management for 40+ hours. I’m in accelerated courses to achieve the goal faster. I just got my certificates to say that I have again maintained my dean list holding that I’ve had the whole time and a merit award for taking part in the student insight committee.

That is all. I return you back to the game opens, closes, and dramas.

Thank you for reading.

Both?

I like to improv into a scene and see what happens. I like to be able to write a story without saying X attempts to … then wait the roll to continue. Although, I value the roll system too for people who never want to lose. That just becomes no fun.

Also, I like to randomize things. Let’s see if I fail X. Do we go left or right, looks like the dice say this…

I like the combination. Which means this post was super unhelpful, but I guess it’s just what mindset I’m in for the day.