@Hobbie I’ve managed to maintain adult friendships with people whose parenting choices wouldn’t be mine, but very importantly, it’s because we avoid long together times when the kids are involved. Most of the time we’ve had the elephant in the room discussion soon after the precipitating event, which has always been interesting (and one of the reasons why we were able to maintain the friendship). I personally have never regretted keeping a friendship in this manner (unless we couldn’t have that discussion, sans kids, but all of those times the friendship naturally fizzled).
I’m not going to say don’t go against your gut, but it might be worth thinking for a bit if you are willing to give the friendship a chance, chalk this up to not being a good vacation fit because they were more on edge with friends sharing a space (it happens), something’s going on between them that you don’t know about (it happens), or somesuch.
I’ve definitely had to draw boundaries with some friends who are also parents around what I will and won’t do with their kids at my house (or theirs) and the rules of engagement/courtesy at mine too (Like an agreement we all put the phones away/in phone jail, what areas are off limits, ect). I tend to be the more vigilant person at gatherings too just because I slip into early childhood educator mode, and I think some people naturally default to it. It definitely makes me thankful for the majority of friends in my life that are solid “aunties and uncles” to my kids, even if our day to day parenting styles aren’t in total alignment, I know they have oversight and are vigilant to keep everyone safe.
But yeah, there are a handful of folks where I have been, “You know, I enjoy doing X Y, or Z with you but I think we should do it without the kids,” too.
That being said i am sorry you are even having to consider this and that the vacation was ruined. It really sucks when people disappoint you like this. And it is totally better to just let them go sometimes too!
