I walked away.
Ultimately, I don’t think there’s going to be any changing minds on that board, and I was twisting myself in knots and refreshing the damn page every few minutes for several hours. That shit ain’t healthy, especially for a place that isn’t going to reciprocate.
I’d rather focus on making content here.
This means there’s probably an anime thread in your future, for which I apologize. ( Except I ain’t sorry. )
There was some confusion about Bingo earlier in the thread.
I haven’t had a panic attack (or even the threat of one) in almost three weeks since I started my newest medication. The absence of that is like being able to breathe again. I hope it keeps up this way.
At work all day:
“Haha, oh man, it’s gonna be so cool to do XYZ with my character(s) when I get home.”
At home:
In bed:
“Wait a minute, I didn’t do the thing I meant to at all! Well, I bet tomorrow…”
3 MONTHS LATER
“Shit.”
After one of my colleagues departed and I got saddled with a lot of extra work, I sat my supervisor down and basically told him that I knew I was being undercompensated. He said he’d do his best, because he wanted to keep the team together, and because we kick ass together (True.)
Four months went by. I started browsing Indeed and such on the regular. Pretty much resigned myself to a 5%ish increase, and it wasn’t going to cut it to stay. Last week, I finally got news from him.
Promoted. New Title - better title than I suggested. 30% raise. 30. Percent.
Remember how I said I wasn’t having panic attacks? This is the closest I’ve come to one, sitting through that meeting, because apparently my body has forgotten how to process extreme amounts of joy. Teared up in the meeting. I had to scamper away directly after the meeting and run into the bathroom and squeal into my hands.
My life feels like it’s starting to come together, all of the sudden.
I was being a shit to Derp and Reimisu, but that’s because they fucking well deserved it for trying to invalidate trauma responses. How this translated into me being a big mean bully is fucking beyond me.
Immature? Yeah, I’ll own that, but only because they were breathing down my fucking neck with their own dogpiling.
I’m frustrated as hell. Like, I legitimately just want them to realize that they’re creating an echo chamber. With pMonique, Derp, Devrex and Reimisu loitering there, a rather insidious one, at that.
Just fucking meh.
Nothing for it.
And now my fucking anxiety is eating me alive because I suck at confrontation.
Rant about the topic, rather than ranting at anyone in this thread:
I loathe the notion that receipts are necessary for any complaint to be taken seriously. Like, especially if they’re of an embarrassing or sexual nature, like… no.
In my case, I divulged those receipts with someone I trusted, they made the call along with a literal avalanche of evidence to ban someone creepy, and no one is fucking entitled to it.
Just fuck everything about that mindset. I know the natural retort is that it’s a slippery slope which can quickly devolve into witch-huntery, but consider also that it’s a slippery slope to making victimized and abused people put their darkest moments on display just to satisfy the internet’s fucking Id.
Fuck off.
Because you know what? We’ve grown as writers! And it’s funny to laugh at ourselves as we earnestly experimented in trying to find our voices.
You and only you are the determining factor for what makes it your worst pose.
I’ll start.
Redwall MUSH, 7/30/1999
Kyan’s breathing quickens, his pulse raises. “You’ll never understand, Lica! You cannot understand this feeling! You cannot understand at all how it feels!” He looks at his paws, still yelling. “You didn’t kill your mother, Lica! You don’t have to see the pain you caused the only family you have left! You don’t know how it feels to enjoy the smell, the smell of blood on your sword, on your body. You don’t know what it means to screw up the lives of your friends, you just know that I am “depressed”, and am acting like an idiot! Well I don’t care anymore! Because I’m nothing like Aren and Hora! I’m much worse.” His sharp tone softens at the last three tones.
I only want to die a little bit reading that. The true embodiment of hilariously grimdark backstory and angst. Because broody, overcapable (and hilariously melodramatic) boys really were my thing in 1999, apparently.
Trying to find a house sucks. I keep finding beautiful houses about 10% out of our workable price range, while everything in my range is like, a murder shack next to a major highway. It’s discouraging and I hate it.
I really resent that simply saying,
“Hey, no, actually, these people you’re trying to make a case for were actually quite awful, and here’s why: …”
Got me the BMD agenda argument.
Like holy shit, did I poll you guys first in my sleep? Do we have a super sekrit Discord server I’m in without knowing it? Do you have me at knifepoint? Am I sleeper agent? Did someone activate me!? If so, I at least want someone to play “Relax” by Frankie Goes to Hollywood.
Oh god, they buffed that optional Act III boss fight.
Choosing to side with the goblins felt so terribly icky. Hoping Patch 3 restores the buggy Minthara content properly. Reluctant to hop into Act 2/3 without that squared away.
Also, be still my heart, a No Romance Limit (Poly) mod.
I get this, though with the caveat that part of the constraints are that RP simply can’t flow like a novel in most instances.
The very nature of the give and take in collaborative writing means you have to backfill most dialog, else the conversation from the first person in the pose order will move on before it ever reaches the last person in the pose order.
Both length and brevity can be potent weapons in the right hands.
Game culture plays a large role in knowing where the general goalposts are, and I find it’s easiest to aim to match like for like unless/until I know what the expectation is of the players in the room with me. It’s why I prefer smaller scenes, where I already know where preferences are. Then it can as rapid-fire or as slow-paced as people feel like. And if it’s just one on one, perfect. We both know what we’re expecting after a round and scooch toward the middle.
(Which is to say, often the problem is usually less about length and more about railroading the scene, disrespecting the cadence that’s already been established, and generally failing to read the room. Bless your heart, Camille.)
I really wish that bug hadn’t been in - it kinda skewed the first characters in your party into being weird and pushy. And for me, it trapped me in ‘Gale Romance Land’ because I watched his magic show. Didn’t get my rep up fast enough with the people I wanted to romance in time when I read about that bug. Still grumpy.
At least the second playthrough is going better!
After having more time with her on a second go-round, Lae’zel…
(Probably a Cold take:)
Anyhow. Generally feel like societal norms did her dirty.
Yeaaaaaah, I messed that up too. Wasn’t willing to redo the 20ish hours over again, but felt terrible.
Ecitslos the Accomplished, Hoarder of Cheerios and Insurance Claims.
Just wiped out the spoiler in the previous tag. Weird spoiler tag being weird. I resume it noooow and hopefully it doesn’t continue to weird at me.
Like, I dunno, the parallel would be dating Ashley or something in Mass Effect. She grows to care for you, and says nice things to you, but at the end of the day she’s still a big 'ol Space Racist.
So I think the capstone quest definitely earns him that little ray of sunshine in the ending.
Great character. Entertaining as hell. Pretty irredeemable as a person.
All that said:
I have fallen hard for his voice actor.
