An Arx Peeve Thread
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Re: the latest ban, all I can think about is a conversation with that player where he emphatically assured me of how great his IC/OOC boundaries are!! Honest!!
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@Roz That dude creeped me out for 6 years. 6. Years.
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@Roz said in An Arx Peeve Thread:
Re: the latest ban, all I can think about is a conversation with that player where he emphatically assured me of how great his IC/OOC boundaries are!! Honest!!
Who was it
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Yyeeaaahhh… I was super involved with them for a while. I highly regret it and my life became easier when I finally blocked and cut off contact that wasn’t ic as necessary by then being Norwood’s nephew.
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He was never a creep to me because I think he was convinced I was male OOC because I tend to use male pronouns even OOC as Ainsley but he was also just weird OOC at times so I can’t say I’m surprised.
And lord, the stories I’ve heard recently make me wonder how it took so long for him to get booted. Like I’m surprised he managed to fly under the radar so long.
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@Cobalt I somewhat regret not at least dropping a line to staff when I gave him the boot, just knowing now that he was probably being weirder to others. But his attempt with me mostly just made me roll my eyes, and he shrunk away so flaccidly when I told him to knock it off and he never bothered me again. He was very clearly fishing for OOC interest in the wake of some IC sexual relations, and I was just like, buddy I wasn’t born yesterday, I know what you’re doing. Someone makes an OOCly sexual joke to me once, they get a warning, second time they get booted.
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WTF
I was encouraged to play with him by someone in this thread (not their fault). He is the one that I didn’t interact with. I mean it wasn’t staff driven where I should complain. He just took something IC to an OOC and I was like nope. Then he insulted me as a player and I noped again. Then he blew up about how this was all about me and how I made him feel a certain way (no it wasn’t gross). So we just agreed to not interact with each other.
Then I got another character that got tied to his in a arm’s length sort of way and I minimized my interactions to bare minimum.
I’ve been over here for YEARS thinking it was me that did something wrong against this beloved player/character/etc. Dangit.
(Note: I’m not really mad, just damn my perception was wrong on all of this I guess. LOL)
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It’s very easy for someone who will respect a boundary once it is set to stick around. Except when it is really flagrant, people get banned for crossing lines that have been set, not for crossing lines that haven’t been set. Mostly my experience with this player reflected a deep and fundamental inability to read the room, which… I wish were less common than it is.
He did page me weird junk once but stopped immediately when I said no.
let it be a challenge to you
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Michael’s player always struck me as the sort of harem-builder that I always have a hard time pinning down whether they’re a “problem” or not. I don’t want to be judgy about people who are focused on TS, I can say ‘no’ and move on.
IDK, I’m 2-for-2 in ‘well this harem-builder I gave some benefit of the doubt to actually was a creeper to a problematic extent’ so.
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@sao said in An Arx Peeve Thread:
Mostly my experience with this player reflected a deep and fundamental inability to read the room
lol, same. I have disliked him for the last forever because he made a joke about me that felt more tone deaf than mean, but I was still pretty annoyed about it.
Now all kinds of things have come out and I feel like
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@RightMeow said in An Arx Peeve Thread:
WTF
I was encouraged to play with him by someone in this thread (not their fault). He is the one that I didn’t interact with. I mean it wasn’t staff driven where I should complain. He just took something IC to an OOC and I was like nope. Then he insulted me as a player and I noped again. Then he blew up about how this was all about me and how I made him feel a certain way (no it wasn’t gross). So we just agreed to not interact with each other.
Then I got another character that got tied to his in a arm’s length sort of way and I minimized my interactions to bare minimum.
I’ve been over here for YEARS thinking it was me that did something wrong against this beloved player/character/etc. Dangit.
(Note: I’m not really mad, just damn my perception was wrong on all of this I guess. LOL)
Yeah, this is the kind of stuff I’ve had to learn that you need to bring to staff attention when it happens. Even if it’s a “hey I’m not assigning blame here, I just feel weird about this,” then it can go a long way toward building an image of someone.
I totally get why you wouldn’t, and hey, maybe you even did, but I’m just pointing this one out because this is a really good example of that.
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@Selira said in An Arx Peeve Thread:
Yeah, this is the kind of stuff I’ve had to learn that you need to bring to staff attention when it happens. Even if it’s a “hey I’m not assigning blame here, I just feel weird about this,” then it can go a long way toward building an image of someone.
This is a lesson I feel like I’ve learned before but you can never internalize is enough (and I gave this guy a pass, so, oops on me). It is not actually mean or wrong to point out behavior that makes you uncomfortable. It is not actually mean or wrong to ask someone with the authority to do so to enforce some boundaries for you. Not every instance where this needs to happen is malicious on the ‘needs to clue up some’ part of the person doing it, but it’s important to trust your own instincts and to feel comfortable in a space you’re devoting your free time and energy to.
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I probably should have said something, but for me he was just a low-level eye-roll-inducing avoidable presence.
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@Snackness yes when I left Grayson for story reasons I was privately relieved not to exist on a channel with him anymore. But there’s lots of people who annoy me without being bannable, at least until such time as annoying me becomes in itself a banning offense.
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@sao What stands out to me about him is that whenever I’d post a Grayson newsletter the only thing he ever had to say about it–and he did it almost every time–was to point out some typo or complain about something in it. And it really made me wonder why I bothered at all.
He did ask me to a threesome IC once and I was like lol no. I am not even slightly interested in that. And then he basically stopped RPing with me.
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If it quacks like a duck, it should be reported is a good rule. Better safe than sorry.
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…we also need to look out for ducks now? This hobby is getting harder every day.
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@Solstice Yes. Ducks are evil and so are Geese.
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Excuse me, the clements are nicknamed the ducks and they are FAR from evil.
