@kalakh

I feel all the words of your reply like I did the original posting. I think personally, it’s an insecurity of mine. So when it has been pointed out (again not in a loving way) it just makes me even more anxious. THEN add to it that I don’t have an RP community so I have to break into another one. Ugh. I mean. I have y’all but no one on the game that can be my designated RP person/companion cube/support page receiver until I figure out the vibe and flow. Also being blessed/cursed that I type at a fairly quick pace - I can get text blocks out like I invented them. It’s a thing.

It’s good/bad that someone else understands the ‘too much’ comment. Like yay for relation. Boo for the bad and anxiety that comes with it.

Salutations!

I know for me that I have in life been told I’m too much. If you know me, then you know what I mean. I get very VERY excited when I’m excited about things and I babble in pages or I want to RP. I’m just very excited to write a story with the other person or find out what happens next, etc. I am also very hyper and optimist IRL and it carries over to my paging. So, as someone who has been told that I need to calm down. I take that as a part of my personality to fix. I’ve been told it IRL and MU life. Thus, I don’t always know that line on how much is too much and get stuck in a paralysis pattern. Then in an overthinker pattern. Online is worse because I can’t see the other person’s non-verbal cues. I can’t see if you smiled when you saw me. If you frowned or hesitated, etc. Thus I’m left with words that I have to figure out and probably not well.

Then if you suddenly stop inviting me to RP (with the hopes I’ll reach out), I panic the other way. I feel like I’ve upset you. As I’ve been told in MU realm that if I upset someone, you shouldn’t contact them unless they contact you or it can look like inadvertent harassing; I’m again in decision paralysis. Do I reach out? Do I assume there is an issue and that makes it worse? Normally the second because the behaviors suddenly changed.

I know I’m not the person in question, because I’m not really playing anywhere, but that would be why I personally was doing or not doing what was happening. Although, now I try to lay out my crazy to people up front. Like, hey you are going to have to tell me if I’m paging too much or inviting too much - because I might get so hyper-fixated on writing the story - I don’t read the clues or misunderstand the ‘tone’ of the text.

@Snackness

All the love. I’ve been through this and even if it is expected, it isn’t easy. We are here if you want to talk.

My new desc:

Felt cute, might delete later.

I still stand by your sexy factor, etc is less PB and more RP. Sure, sure your PB can be great or whatever, but if you can build a story with me? Chef’s kiss.

If you can make me cry (not in the bad way), and laugh, and fall in love with the story; that is the sexiest element. I’ll probably breeze over your desc to know how tall and things I might need to notice, but then take my cues from how you pose.

Also, all body types are gorgeous and I’m glad they are out there.

@Juniper

Messily with lots of four letter words. Ouch included

MU peeve – I’m not on a MU playing.
Also MU peeve – I don’t think I have the time/energy for a new game.
Additional MU peeve – Meeting new people to RP with is either really super fun or really really really stressful.

That is all. Carry on. Just my weekly random comment to stay part of the community.

Self peeve of the day - two actually.

1. I’m going to really commit to being healthy — 2 hours later – oh hey, chips.

2. I’m going to be an adult and follow a budget. I’m super excited about this. — Sure, let’s go to dinner. Hmm, I don’t need that thing, but I think I’ll buy it anyways.

I’d like to blame my ADHD and the serotonin, but I think it’s just me and it’s really frustrating some days. I know I can do better about it, but you know… I don’t. Or let’s focus on getting a good night’s sleep and going to bed at a great time — while posting on a forum at 11:50pm.

Sorry, carry on. Just venting at the void about my life decisions.

@crawfish

I feel like we need a list for everything and explanations. Release the truth about cats.

I miss RPing. I’ve filled my hours with other things, but I miss logging on and writing stories with people. I also miss the daily chatting with people I use to chat with about random stuff.

However, the idea of making a new character makes me feel like I don’t have the mental energy. Then I’m not sure how well my RP will be after the ‘break’ I’ve been on.

Anyways, in conclusion – if we’ve RPed at all, you’ve been on my mind and you rock - so thank you for writing stories with me.

RL Peeve is domain change. Not that it’s changing, but that I’m going to have to try and remember my password.

I know I did this to myself and really it’s a board peeve and not a MU* peeve. But damn. I want my last X amount of minutes back in my life from reading all that.

carry on.

I did this to myself. Self board peeve.

I know this is a first world problem and people have it way way way worse but…

I am over my current career. However, the idea of changing it makes me tired. The idea of finding a new job is annoying because I’m at a certain pay range that I don’t really want to lose. I don’t hate it, but I’m burned out in it. I feel too old to start something else (and probably too tired now). I just feel stuck.

Like I said, not the worst vent to have but it’s where I am.

Lumpia.

I’m on the quest to learn how to make it properly. I tried today and it tastes good, but I couldn’t get the skins to brown. I used rice paper. Anyone know how to make it and have suggestions?

Should this go in another area? I’m just happy it mostly worked out since I LOVE lumpia.

When asking for RP. I (like others) go through a lot of mental taxation without always getting RP representation.

Me: I’d like to play.
Me: I should ask for play.
Me: What if I get silence back?
Me: Does that mean everyone hates me? They might. Maybe I don’t have RP right now because my RP sucks. Should I ask? Would that be invasive to their RL and free time? Does it look like I’m bothering anyone if I ask on channel? Okay, you can do this. Come on. You are fine. Let’s do this. You can do this. Is their char currently involved in anything? Should I ask? Will it mess with their story? What if I get too many people and then I have to bail? Um… no no, it’s okay you can do this.

Me: Hey, would you like to RP?

Them: Sure, what do you want to RP?

Me: …
Me: Fuck.

So in very long conclusion, it’s not that I want the other person to do the work. It’s more I don’t know what story they like or what they are interested in. If it’s someone I know, then I’m different. Then I’m like let’s RP this. New people though, I’m like wuhoh. Do I only have one shot to make a suggestion and I lose RP partners for life?

I know this is just a meh sort of thing and it effects everyone, but still. I’m tired. All the time. Like mentally and emotionally tired. I am really good at masking (which I suppose also makes me mentally and emotionally tired), but dang.

I don’t know if this is older getting to me. I remember those people sitting around the table talking about being tired. Now I’m those people. Or if it’s depression. Or just you know how it is.

It’s not ending my life, but it is killing my motivation to do anything.

That’s it. I’m just tired.

Having a meh week. Coming home. Sitting down (that in itself is a win) and then having furry critters on you. One snuggled in and one purring because they missed you.

I feel like (and this is my opinion not a fact) if you don’t trust someone leave. I mean that in games, in life, in relationships, in jobs, in all things. The older I get (and man is it older) the less time I have to give. I want to fill that time with people I trust. People that don’t make me second guess all the time (I have brain weasels there will be a few off moments).

It does NOT mean that the person isn’t trustworthy if I don’t trust them. It does not mean they are a bad person. It does not mean I am a bad person. Sometimes people and situations (especially in text) don’t mesh. That means, I stand by the ‘if you don’t trust them, leave’ statement. I don’t see it as a blanket to cover an issue. I think it a boundary to protect your time and your mental investment.

This is again, only my opinion.

@SpaceKhomeini You called?

@Apos

Welcome to Night— Arx. Welcome to Arx.

I feel you should do this now.