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Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent
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Mine is more along the lines of:
“Just love him as he is, and by doing that he’ll see that how he is treating you is wrong.”
“By showing a good example of sacrificial love and kindness, you won’t turn people away from lessons they need to learn.”
“You know, when you don’t say things nicely, people who might have helped you/been and ally just get turned off because you make them feel bad!”
“Remember their words/actions are just because they are hurt. You need to keep sweet and be the thing that helps them feel better!”
“Just believe and have faith, and things will get better. If it feels like it won’t, believe even harder!” -
Public Education is AWASH in toxic positivity.
I believe all kids can learn. I believe all kids can be taught pro-social behaviors without eliminating their unique selves.
But the bullshit “Do this sticker chart and it will work out!” pisses me off.
Toxic Positivity was at its worst during the pandemic. We were told how “exciting” and “innovative” it was to teach online and in person. But it wasn’t. It was hard soul-crushing work that broke good educators. And any time we went “This isn’t working” or “I can’t keep doing this” we were told to stop being so negative. Weren’t we here for the kids? Weren’t we superheroes?
No, just educators with legit concerns that are being smashed.
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Thank you all for your thoughts and shares on this. I’m still turning it over in my head, but thank you!
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@junipersky we see this a lot in ECE as well. Honestly I think some of it is due to the social conditioning that still exists in educational fields that are seen as predominately women to keep to those keep sweet and sacrificial love expectations of women in particular.
The expectation that low pay should be expected because its a “calling” and its just work during the school year (with a side helping of divide and conquer when it turns into "but at least we are not just babysitters like those daycare providers), that any teacher if they love “their kids” they’ll also supplement the classroom out of their own pocket (this happens in ECE frequently), what do you mean you want to be paid for meetings/school events don’t you care about the kids, what kind of person are you if you say you’re struggling with this kid that you’re supposed to know how to deal with, if you were committed you’d figure it out its just working with kids, ect. And increasingly there’s an expectation that even if you have your own family and life, you should accept that you should absolutely take a bullet for or from the kids in your classroom because that’s what good teachers do.
I am glad to see there’s some revolt going on in ECE as well. But I think its going to be a long fight before the predatory work behaviors of employers and ridiculous expectations to grin and bear anything in the name of caring about the people you take care of are broken.
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@mietze said in Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent:
But I think its going to be a long fight before the predatory work behaviors of employers and ridiculous expectations to grin and bear anything in the name of caring about the people you take care of are broken.
For sure, and honestly, I don’t see it being won within my lifetime. I think it is more likely that public education will be completely privatized in parts of the country under the hands of those who never liked it to begin with, then teachers of all levels will get anything close to what other professionals enjoy.
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My mother leaned into toxic positivity so hard that I stopped speaking to her. Everything was always “fine” and you just need to repeat that it’s fine and it will be fine! Pediatrician referring you to a pediatric endocrinologist? Don’t worry about it, they don’t need to do that, they’re fine! Having them see doctors is going to give them a complex! Schools flagging your kid for reading below grade level? Don’t worry about it they’re fine! Just let them go at their own pace! School recommending an IEP? You’re going to give them a complex, they’re perfect, everything is fine, they don’t need any extra help! Trying to find a kid a therapist for emotional regulation issues, well what did you do to make them that way? They don’t need a therapist you just need to be a better, more positive parent! They’re fine!
Repeat for oh, everything.
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Getting hit super hard in the face with back to school blues. I have my own life independent of my kids, even the youngest one. I discovered how important that was when I went to massage school and opened my own biz after being a hard-core SAHM and PTA/school volunteer and human appointment book for everything for 13 years, it was a little hard on everyone else but they stepped up and seemed to see me a little more
So its not like I will have a radical identity shift of whatever that I’ve seen other friends go though. But. My eldest will graduate college this year and will be working in a different city so he can be with his partner–he won’t be coming home because he’s making a new one! The other two college kids will be graduating college the year after this one and may not be coming home next summer either because both are dead set on internships. After this year my surprise baby will just have one more year of elementary school.
I dont know. Things feel different. I intellectually knew that this was the last summer for me to have all my kids at home really but its hitting me hard in the feels. None of it is bad. But im just feeling really kind of down while also really enjoying seeing them start the launch process. So if I seem sad or whatever I am. Everything is as it should be but it still gives me the blues to feel left behind even if its normal.
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I really don’t know what I’m gonna do with myself yet when my kiddo hits that old dusty trail for college and the thought makes me really sad but happy in a similar way, so this made me pretty misty-eyed, especially the bit about going off to make a new home. Sounds like you’ve been a great parent.
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I have officially stopped avoiding the dentist out of a fear of pain.
I have officially started avoiding the dentist because who can afford this shit?
love that perfect frown
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I got a random $50 refund from my dentist! But I get it, dentists are EXPENSIVE.
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I may actually quit or get fired by my job by the end of the week. I think I’ve reached my limit as it relates to organizational incapacity. An entire application for postconviction, with not even an indexed file to reference. Just a single paper a law clerk wrote that inaccurately summarizes the situation and has no citations to the record.
We’ve had this case since the beginning of the year. I got it two weeks ago. And I’ve been told by my boss today that, because I had the temerity to request the assistance of clerks on the matter, that if I’m going to “blow the deadline” of THIS FRIDAY that I should let him know so he can take care of it.
Take care of it HOW, motherfucker, you’ve had the case for THE ENTIRE YEAR and you let an attorney spend THREE WEEKS ON IT
I’m going back to researching but holy shit do I need to blow off some steam before I kill someone
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Had a fullblown anxiety attack that bordered on mental breakdown at work today. It was so bad that my SO took me to the ER. Bad enough that they almost made me an intake patient when I admitted increase in thoughts of self harm. Eventually, they decided not to, largely because my SO had her shit together with having paperwork from her psychiatrist there.
I still have the EKG tags on me. I took a two hour nap when I came back, longest nap I’ve taken in a good long time. But I hadn’t realized how not okay I’ve been and I’ve just been dealing with it. Until I couldn’t deal with it any longer. And now that the hydroxyine is starting to wear off, while I feel less…numb(this is a really good anti-anxiety medication), I’m terrified of where to go form here.
I don't know what I'm doing. Poke at Seven Nations sevennations.aresmush.com port 2021
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Firstly, huge hugs/good vibes/prayers/whatever you like best sent your way. I’ve been in the ER for anxiety… a lot. Probably over ten times at this point.
Secondly, it sounds like this isn’t your first rodeo with anxiety, but if it is, here’s what you do. First, do everything in your power to curb avoidance of what is making you anxious. Avoidant behavior makes anxiety really, really bad (source: in recovery for severe agoraphobia). Second, see a psychatrist asap. If you can’t see a psychiatrist, see your primary care doctor. Be open to them about what’s happening and ask for medicine. If you have an addictive personality or a history of substance abuse, make sure they’re aware of that before they prescribe you any benzodiazepenes. Having anti-anxiety meds will help you stabilize so you can move on to the third and most important step–therapy.
You’re probably gonna have to do therapy. It sounds like you may need to do some intensive therapy. Find a specialist in cognitive behavioral therapy. Cognitive behavioral therapy, along with exposure therapy, is an extremely effective method of treating anxiety and depression, which it sounds like you also have.
None of this is easy. If it were, I wouldn’t be a half-employed lawyer who struggles to bill 15 hours a week and who needs her parents to drive her places at 33 years of age. It frequently REALLY SUCKS. But it’s doable. I’m making huge strides in my recovery.
You’ve got this. If you need to DM someone who has been through this shit, whether to ask for advice, chat about it, or just scream directly into a sympathetic ear, I’m here.
I’m rooting for you.
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My husband started to have anxiety attacks in the last year, and he is having a really hard time with what has basically been my entire life. I feel so much for him. I’ve had years to learn how to cope, go to therapy at least twice a month (Better Help isn’t cheap, but the ability to go more often than every two months like when I used my insurance is golden.), and have medication to keep me more on an even keel.
Getting him to agree to go back to therapy has been really hard though. He doesn’t want to admit that this is going to be a persist problem. But it is going to he. Between his high stress job and us starting fostering there isn’t a single chance that this will just “fix” itself.
The brain makes pathways though. Having a panic attack is way easier of a pathway then rationally thinking through the problem and finding reasonable solutions in a stressful moment. Healthy? Nah. But easier.
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@Rinel said in Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent:
Firstly, huge hugs/good vibes/prayers/whatever you like best sent your way. I’ve been in the ER for anxiety… a lot. Probably over ten times at this point.
Secondly, it sounds like this isn’t your first rodeo with anxiety, but if it is, here’s what you do. First, do everything in your power to curb avoidance of what is making you anxious. Avoidant behavior makes anxiety really, really bad (source: in recovery for severe agoraphobia). Second, see a psychatrist asap. If you can’t see a psychiatrist, see your primary care doctor. Be open to them about what’s happening and ask for medicine. If you have an addictive personality or a history of substance abuse, make sure they’re aware of that before they prescribe you any benzodiazepenes. Having anti-anxiety meds will help you stabilize so you can move on to the third and most important step–therapy.
You’re probably gonna have to do therapy. It sounds like you may need to do some intensive therapy. Find a specialist in cognitive behavioral therapy. Cognitive behavioral therapy, along with exposure therapy, is an extremely effective method of treating anxiety and depression, which it sounds like you also have.
None of this is easy. If it were, I wouldn’t be a half-employed lawyer who struggles to bill 15 hours a week and who needs her parents to drive her places at 33 years of age. It frequently REALLY SUCKS. But it’s doable. I’m making huge strides in my recovery.
You’ve got this. If you need to DM someone who has been through this shit, whether to ask for advice, chat about it, or just scream directly into a sympathetic ear, I’m here.
I’m rooting for you.
As someone who has had a bit of a mental health fun myself (anxiety, depression), I want to fully endorse what @Rinel has said here, particularly the parts about stability, the likely need for substance support (this doesn’t have to be permanent), and therapy.
I myself need medication because my mind will not stay stable without it. I’m not saying this will be the case for you as well, @Testament, but I tried without and it just would not work for me. But I wouldn’t be where I am now if action hadn’t been taken.
One important thing I want to add: this will take time. It will not be overnight, though you may experience relief. Don’t let that relief lull you into a false sense of security. You need to go see a psychiatrist or your primary care about triage while working toward a lasting solution (the therapy treatment).
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Calorie counting sucks. Why does food have to have so many calories.
Cobalt@Under the Stars
cob.alt@Discord
Cobalt#3811@mas.to -
@Cobalt said in Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent:
Calorie counting sucks. Why does food have to have so many calories.
It is THE WORST.
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Finally got covid from my youngest after 3 years of dodging it as first an essential public facing worker and then in returning to ECE. I feel really shitty but at least I have paxlovid. And no bleach cocktails for me.
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Tez
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I wanna vent about something but it involves weight and diet and I don’t know how to spoiler stuff here
So my vent is that I’m dumb
bird's still the word
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@Rinel said in Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent:
I wanna vent about something but it involves weight and diet and I don’t know how to spoiler stuff here
So my vent is that I’m dumb
When you’re typing up your post, look up under the thread title, there’s a bunch of icons for text formatting. You want the third icon from the right. You just highlight everything you want to put under the spoiler tag and hit the button. Or you can click the button and replace the word ‘spoiler’ with your text.
You can also put things in between two (2) | on each side.
