MU Peeves Thread
-
My @ to you was because you’re the one who felt the need to insert the sarcasm, no other reason. Your points were valid, but the sarcasm part seemed to put forth the idea that people who are doing this are doing it to be purposely shitty to people who are trying to be actively unshitty and that’s specifically the part I was addressing.
I realize I may have been sharper in tone than intended, because I don’t dislike the discussion or perspectives, and I apologize if I was. It’s a habit I have that I’ve been working on.
@Mourne said in MU Peeves Thread:
@eye8urcake There was no intimacy going on yet, in my case. I wasn’t trying to vilify anyone, I was just surprised when it happened because I was trying to make sure nothing bad happened, to be respectful of people’s boundaries, and whatnot.
That’s all I wanted to say, the timing was very different than what you were presenting.
That’s fair. My read seemed to indicate it was DURING, which is obviously a misread that’s on me, but that hit me in a sore spot because I have shut down in a scene when someone’s done this.
-
Fair enough, and I only added the sarcasm to make it clear that I wasn’t inadvertently insulting @Mourne - it would have been a better call to have reworked the sentence entirely.
-
@eye8urcake I tried to be very respectful as the scene was heading in an intimate direction but everyone’s clothes were still on. So I asked OOCly just to make sure and clarify things and I got chewed out for breaking RP, which is… ok, sure I can get that but to /me/, better safe than sorry.
I’d rather not assume my boundaries are the same as anyone else’s at all.
I don’t want to get into the fine details, but all the clothes were still on but the flirting was pretty heavy and direct and we’d progressed to private location.
It was precisely because people can have such negative reactions to things in RP or out of it, that I think it is important to ask. Any offense is not intentional, quite the opposite.
-
@Mourne Yeah, no, I completely read your post wrong and absolutely thought it was during. I don’t feel the same way at all about before, or after, just DURING is so odd and awkward for me and FLEE FLEE FLEE and apparently a fucking trigger.
ETA I should probably mention that the first time this happened to me was someone who thought ‘This scene is SO HOT!’ was a good way to open up said discussions. That’s basically when I locked down all ‘live’ OOC communication avenues, only leaving Notes to negotiate through from then on.
-
Have asked, will ask and will continue to ask. Player comfort in such scenes, and others that could be emotionally investing, is oh-so important to me. I’d rather the person felt comfortable, but also so boundaries are set.
Especially as, previously, I’ve had someone OOC - oh no I don’t like insert action and insert word which promptly pulled away the mood of the scene. Had I known it wasn’t compatible at that point, could have just fade to black and not gone through the motions for
several hours20 mins5 mins. -
I love this open, clear conversation. Weird to say as a spectator, but seriously, I just love to see it.
-
I too do not want to be paged or OOCed in a scene to check my comfort level.
You will pull me out of my PC, ruin my immersion, make me feel anxious that I crossed a line and that’s why you are bringing it up, and guarantee I spend the rest of the scene in my head instead of the moment.
Just food for thought from the other side of “communication is key.” Get it done BEFORE it matters.
On Dragon Wings · https://pern.gaslightswitch.com · pern.gaslightswitch.com port 4201
-
@KarmaBum What is your preference for scenes where it starts PG and then heats up? Often I wouldn’t have the chance to check in about things like when to FTB or disliked words/details, because we didn’t start the scene going 'okay we’re gonna fuck so let’s discuss." (Genuine question, not an argument.)
I actually don’t ask, because it feels awk and I never know what to say, and I find any OOC but “I gotta go in an hour” to be awk, but I have had people ask me at the point things are turning in that direction and I appreciated it.
The alternative, in my experience, is a game of TS-chicken in which each person tentatively uses a new word to see how the other person responds but no one wants to be the first one to use it. Which is also awk so I don’t have a solution.
as previously stated, good day.
-
@farfalla said in MU Peeves Thread:
What is your preference for scenes where it starts PG and then heats up?
FTB and we can talk afterward.
Based on this thread, most of us don’t even get hot and heavy with people we don’t already know, so it really shouldn’t happen all that often. I can’t even remember the last time I got into a sexy scene with someone who didn’t already pretty much know my boundaries.
@farfalla said in MU Peeves Thread:
The alternative, in my experience, is a game of TS-chicken in which each person tentatively uses a new word to see how the other person responds but no one wants to be the first one to use it. Which is also awk so I don’t have a solution.
Is it a language thing? I don’t really have a problem with the words people use. Call a dick a dick; I’m fine with it.
It’s more just the time and energy that goes into TSing, and the seeming expectation that I’ll carve regular time out of my RP to play a sex scene. My past experience with people that I have TSed is that (if the relationship doesn’t immediately end after the sexy-times) there’s a “relationship upkeep cost” that I really don’t want to pay. Unless the next sex scene is somehow going to be different than the last one, I’m good to off-cam it… but my partners seem to expect on-cam sexytimes continue, and I really only have like three TS poses; if you played one sex scene with me, you’ve seen my entire repertoire.
I RP maybe three or four scenes a week right now. I don’t got no time for plowing that doesn’t move the story.
-
Because I’m not at all concerned about what words the other person uses, I play a lot of word chicken. You pick what you want, I’ll follow your lead. But it’s almost always better to start off subtle.
I also figure I’m dealing with a decent amount of folks who might not enjoy OOC at all, or find it offputting.
If they’re someone who DOES prefer OOC, you usually find that out when they OOC you, lol.
-
For those of you unsure of what words to use, I present a great resource:
These are so good that they got A CERTAIN RP PARTNER, WHO I WON’T NAME, to say:
SOMEONE
welp
it was fun TSing with you while it lastedTEZ
NO
MY STATELY PIECE OF MACHINERY
MY ORGAN OF BLISS, INSTRUMENT OF PLEASURESOMEONE
mute
she/they
-
@Tez I need better terms for oral sex because my brain takes things very literally and any time someone uses the word ‘eat’ in any descriptive combination whatever, I’m fighting immersive breaking mental images for at least five minutes. If you don’t know, five minutes is like seven internet yeara.
-
@Tez miraculous thing which wets where it tickles and tickles where it wets
Lmao
-
@tsar said in MU Peeves Thread:
@Tez miraculous thing which wets where it tickles and tickles where it wets
Lmao
Fucking dying
-
It is commonly the case for me because I tend to be on the slow side of posing that by the time things get to that threshold for real that I’m getting close to needing to crash/know its getting late for that person. So sometimes the conversation of hey I’ve got to go soon, but i am enjoying the rp–happy to write in an interruption or we can fade or pause what would work best for you has to happen.
Oddly in the last few years all of that sort of play (with varying degrees of graphic detail) that i have done has been with folks that are new enough to me that I’ve not known their preferences or that I’ve never had things go that way even after knowing them awhile. However I think I’ve gravitated in general towards close RP partners who i feel okay about reaching out to. I always feel weird (and not about romance per se) but I think if anyone is going to have to deal with me as a close RP associate then they’re going to figure out how awkward and weird I can be at some point.
-
I’m ngl, I find the game of Cock Chicken that goes on in TS with a new person to be kind of endearingly delightful? That is: people just figuring out together where their scene partner’s comfort is, AKA “do I need to use euphemisms or can I just call a cock a cock.”
I actually have TSed with folks I don’t know plenty. In a lot of those instances, the other person has gone OOC when the direction of the scene became clear (but before real hot and heavy stuff had started) to check in about any issues with particular language or terms. I’m not bothered by that at all, although I don’t usually initiate it myself.
I AM bothered if it’s asked more like… “Hey, stranger, what are you into so I can tailor things to what you’re into.” That’s when it gets a bit weird.
-
@Roz There is always one c-word I get clearance for because not everyone likes it.
I draw things! http://www.mahaldoodles.com
-
@crawfish cuddle
she/they
-
@crawfish this is really the question I always want to know hahaha
-
I actually never even thought about asking about word choices though. It did not even occur to me that it might be triggering, it was just more of an internal fretting that I might stumble across in a bad sex poses post or something (but I think that would also kind of like that if nobody knew it was me).
And I did have one scene with a friend where we tried to have the worst written pull out all the horribad euphemisms and mechanics and try to one up each other TS and we were both laughing so hard we were crying and it was very fun.
