MU Peeves Thread

L. B. Heuschkel

If somebody tells you not to talk to them then there’s very little you can do besides, well, not talk to them. They’ve made that call and overstepping that boundary would be wrong (whether you feel it’s fair or not, they obviously do).

What gets me in particular is that discard situation, though, where the other person tells everyone else that everything is fine, they have no idea what you’re so upset about, and they can’t read your mind – when they are the one doing the ghosting and saying the hurtful things. That’s classic discard behaviour and gaslighting.

Unfortunately, it’s also the same solution. Walk away and move on.

Testament

@L-B-Heuschkel You know, I wanted to touch on that. Because what you describe is very similar to what happened to me. And I’d agree with what @IoleRae said on it. It’s melodrama that’s what’s wrong with that whole thing.

A friend, or at least, someone I perceived as a friend, stopped talking to me, wouldn’t tell me why, and then I had to deal with a number of her co-workers starting this ‘work drama’. This is why I brought up HR earlier. Because sometimes you have no choice but to get them involved in it. It’s crap and I totally feel for what you went through with that. I emphasize, really.

L. B. Heuschkel

@Testament said in MU Peeves Thread:

@L-B-Heuschkel You know, I wanted to touch on that. Because what you describe is very similar to what happened to me. And I’d agree with what @IoleRae said on it. It’s melodrama that’s what’s wrong with that whole thing.

A friend, or at least, someone I perceived as a friend, stopped talking to me, wouldn’t tell me why, and then I had to deal with a number of her co-workers starting this ‘work drama’. This is why I brought up HR earlier. Because sometimes you have no choice but to get them involved in it. It’s crap and I totally feel for what you went through with that. I emphasize, really.

Fortunately I don’t have any HR to deal with on top of what’s already a miserable situation. And I agree with you both – it sucks to lose somebody you thought of as a friend but the dramatics are what really makes it awful.

Pavel

To me “do not engage” is about total engagement, not just talking to.

Don’t engage with them, don’t engage about them, don’t engage around them. And it works both ways. If you’ve told me to leave you alone, then you leave me alone. Leave my name out of your mouth and out of your mind - unless you’re dealing with things officially. Don’t gossip about me, but do report my behaviour if you feel the need.

Testament

@Pavel said in MU Peeves Thread:

Leave my name out of your mouth and out of your mind - unless you’re dealing with things officially. Don’t gossip about me, but do report my behaviour if you feel the need.

This is the part that I think a lot instances have created my outlook on this. Leave my name out of your damn mouth.

If someone wants to hate me for whatever arbitrary(legitimate or not) reason that I may never know or understand, that’s perfectly fine. I don’t have to understand.

But do it honestly.

IoleRae

Something else to throw into the consideration mix, as someone who absolutely has drawn lines and gone to my own corner, is that in some cases this is the only route available (that a traumatized person can see) to actually retain the relationship long term.

Sometimes you need a break from a person so that you can calm down, reorient, and then re-engage from a place of compassion and understanding, rather than reaction. Sometimes the only decent thing that’s possible even knowing this is what’s going on is a strangled, ‘please leave me alone’.

I have had at least two of my ‘do not engage with this person’ requests respected that turned into calming down long term and being able to come back to the table and at least behave in civil fashion.

It’s a tool. It’s a tool that absolutely gets misused and can often be problematic, but unfortunately, the only way to guarantee that the people who actually NEED it actually get it is to ensure that everyone gets it, because making a traumatized person justify themselves is actively damaging.

Thus, this is one of those cases where you just have to assume positive intent, and then come down like the hammer of god on anybody who abuses it (baiting somebody who has a no contact request against you, for example).

Solstice

@IoleRae said in MU Peeves Thread:

Thus, this is one of those cases where you just have to assume positive intent, and then come down like the hammer of god on anybody who abuses it (baiting somebody who has a no contact request against you, for example).

bartok kick

tsar

I can’t decide if this is a peeve or not but there’s someone in r/muds who posts about wanting to be a cannibal on a game to feel part of the game and doesn’t care if it’s the game’s lore or not but can someone point him to a game where it’s allowed???

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