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Beware: 'Hella" aka Vulgarkitten aka poMonique@arx
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If you run into this player in the wild you might think they can be friendly and inclusive; at worst pushy, aggressive, and a little disingenuous about their character’s position or significance.
She’s actually much worse than that. This is a person who is ready and willing to lie in order to get close to people who want nothing to do with her.
This is a person who is ready and willing to lie about who they are OOC in order to escape consequences of their own actions, and take it to shocking extremes, such as paging people OOC to ask for dirt on the ‘former player’ - herself.
This is a person who is ready and willing to lie about other people OOC in order to avoid those same consequences.
If she is playing your game and you think she’s not ‘that bad’, well. I thought that, too. Like, not great but not bannable. Yet the amount of drama and stress and heartache and vitriol she is responsible for is staggering. Her possible ‘not that bad’ behavior is not worth it.
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Her seeking out TS (and yes, she was initiating that contact because I saw the fucking booty call messages that she sent unprompted) with a player that she not only tried to report (hence why she had a no contact request in about them) but one that was actively avoiding her because of said report to staff was as bad as anything Cullen or DwOPP had done and I feel very very comfortable putting her right in the same category as them.
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@Herja Would you be willing to share details about the kind of TS she asked for? I keep thinking of that weirdo on City of Hope who paged me out of nowhere asking me to please change my character so I could play her character’s serial r**ist dickgirl.
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@GF She was soliciting her IC ex-husband – who she had submitted OOC complaints about TS hounding her and also talked shit about TS hounding her on MSB – and so I don’t know what the specifics of the sexytimes she was looking for here are, but I think the IC situation in particular was boringly hetero and probably involved no dickgirls.
I mean, probably.
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@GF There was nothing weird about the TS only about the target being someone that she had previously reported. Most of her most egregious bullshit was manipulative in nature. Like, a PC that she was close to would lay down a boundary and she would do very deliberately manipulative actions and say things to try to make them relent on the boundary.
So, say she was involved with a married PC (something that is a-okay in Arx lore and culture) but the PC involved would say something like “I will be going to the following events with my IC spouse” and then she would deliberately set up situations and send long series of messengers trying to argue the boundary and make the situation uncomfortable. I never stepped in in those instances because it looked like the players were handling the IC conflict fine but there was at least once incident done at a public event that made a bunch of others outside the situation uncomfortable.
Just to reiterate, the issue with Hella isn’t the TS. It’s that she is manipulative and boundary pushing in very toxic and creepy ways.
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@Herja said in Beware: 'Hella" aka Vulgarkitten aka poMonique@arx:
Just to reiterate, the issue with Hella isn’t the TS. It’s that she is manipulative and boundary pushing in very toxic and creepy ways.
Right. I only compare it to that person I ran afoul of someone who had never met me and just paged me out of nowhere with the weirdest, ugliest TS requests I can imagine. From what you said about her initiating contact, I got a similar vibe; but it sounds like I was wrong. Thanks for sharing that.
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@GF said in Beware: 'Hella" aka Vulgarkitten aka poMonique@arx:
@Herja said in Beware: 'Hella" aka Vulgarkitten aka poMonique@arx:
Just to reiterate, the issue with Hella isn’t the TS. It’s that she is manipulative and boundary pushing in very toxic and creepy ways.
Right. I only compare it to that person I ran afoul of someone who had never met me and just paged me out of nowhere with the weirdest, ugliest TS requests I can imagine. From what you said about her initiating contact, I got a similar vibe; but it sounds like I was wrong. Thanks for sharing that.
It’s actually a lot more insidious than this. Randomly contacting people for sexual interaction is weird and creepy, but it’s also not something that’s going to ‘fool’ you.
This player wants closeness. They want the ability to manipulate. They will act however they have to, lie about whatever they have to, to be in that position to manipulate.
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Thank you.
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She’s only nice and sweet and inclusive and helpful up until the moment you don’t give her what she wants; then she turns on you. And even when you think her manipulations and spitefulness and outright flaunting of things that should be kept at least discrete is painfully obvious - she will talk people into believing that you’re just out to get her.
Ignoring her attempts at getting under your skin, once she’s turned on you, is the only way to deal with her. That, and keeping as far away from anything she’s doing as possible.
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@Herja said in Beware: 'Hella" aka Vulgarkitten aka poMonique@arx:
So, say she was involved with a married PC (something that is a-okay in Arx lore and culture) but the PC involved would say something like “I will be going to the following events with my IC spouse” and then she would deliberately set up situations and send long series of messengers trying to argue the boundary and make the situation uncomfortable. I never stepped in in those instances because it looked like the players were handling the IC conflict fine but there was at least once incident done at a public event that made a bunch of others outside the situation uncomfortable.
I 100% was not comfortable and I 100% had a large panic attack and could not log in for weeks afterwards. Not because I was upset over any IC relationships (no jealousy, no drama, no OOC bad feelings /at all/ over), but because I literally felt like I was going insane and it is the worst possible feeling in the world to force yourself to accept something and keep it totally IC when you are being gaslit OOC in extreme ways from the “new” player who is exactly like the old player. I was so mean to myself over this, and I didnt deserve to be as terrible to myself as I was over this whole thing.
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@Rhamnious And when everyone thinks she’s so sugar and sweet and nice, how could it /possibly/ be anything but you mixing IC/OOC right? I definitely didn’t have that exact situation, but I feel you
You wonder if you’re totally losing your mind, and whether it IS you, or how else do people not see what’s going on?? -
This is Cullen/etc behavior. She is a stalker. She is a creeper. She lies to trick people into intimacy. She lies about people to punish them for refusing to provide that intimacy. She manipulates emotionally. She gaslights. I could go on and on and on about each individual thing she does that they do that everybody who isn’t coming from Planet Blame the Victim is instinctively repulsed by, but I’ll leave off here.
It’s like they literally share a fucking playbook.
She should be subject to the same day-glo biohazard paint job those players have been given, and the same reflexive responses - including banning, even pre-emptive - that they are.
It blows my mind that anybody can argue any differently.
Disclaimer: I’m not intimating anybody here is doing that, because aside from fucking @hobos who has legitimately zero credibility to me from incidents pre-dating that, I’m not seeing that here.
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Reading the stuff people are talking about here and I have to wonder if I have a guardian angel who watches over me. Like jesus fuckin christ the behaviors spoken of here are just… holy shit.
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I know it doesn’t really add too much to the discussion, but I just tried to start putting my account together and I really just can’t. If somebody wants to dig out where I blah blahed about it in the banning thread I’d appreciate it. I apparently can’t even do that tho, I’m a huge dork.
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@Rhamnious I don’t know if it makes you feel better or worse to know that you were far from the only person she pulled that shit with. The example I gave could have easily applied to multiple situations.
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I have a list of potential people, a very small list that has four names, but the list does exist, that are banned on sight on my game if I ever discover they are on it. I don’t care, you have done so much and there is so much evidence of your continual behavior that clearly shows not only a pattern of that behavior, but also the fact that they either do not learn from the things they have done, or that they simply don’t want to learn.
If an investigation has proven that these elements are present and are inflicting the kind of emotional damage on my game, you’re banned. Straight up, end of story. There will be no discussion on this, it is a hard line and rule. Granted, that action is only taken once it’s discovered the identity of those responsible. Not going to just ban someone because of an accusation. It’s one of those, ‘if the investigation proves you’re one of these people’ kind of things.
I don't know what I'm doing. Poke at Seven Nations sevennations.aresmush.com port 2021
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I explicitly told this “new” player when they asked me about the damn shared tattoo our characters had that I would prefer to not roleplay that due to my issues with the previous player. So they KNEW how I felt about them and pretended to be oh so sympathetic to my problems. You know what, whatever. But the fact that in a private scene, they ASKED my NPC questions about an Apos-NPC unprompted - lore questions about him, how my char felt about him, etc - unprompted and is now lying about trying to “keep her distance” from him is galling. Worse than that are the people who believe this bullshit. Ugh. I hope to never encounter her again but given how insidious she is, that’s a fool’s hope.
ETA: And they framed it as “X told me about this tattoo our chars have, can you tell me about that.” But that could have been bunk too since they were the same fkin player.
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@Testament said in Beware: 'Hella" aka Vulgarkitten aka poMonique@arx:
I have a list of potential people, a very small list that has four names, but the list does exist, that are banned on sight on my game if I ever discover they are on it.
Can you add my name? Not because I’m evil, I just have no self control and I need to get my assignments done.
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@Smile said in Beware: 'Hella" aka Vulgarkitten aka poMonique@arx:
I explicitly told this “new” player when they asked me about the damn shared tattoo our characters had that I would prefer to not roleplay that due to my issues with the previous player. So they KNEW how I felt about them and pretended to be oh so sympathetic to my problems. You know what, whatever. But the fact that in a private scene, they ASKED my NPC questions about an Apos-NPC unprompted - lore questions about him, how my char felt about him, etc - unprompted and is now lying about trying to “keep her distance” from him is galling. Worse than that are the people who believe this bullshit. Ugh. I hope to never encounter her again but given how insidious she is, that’s a fool’s hope.
ETA: And they framed it as “X told me about this tattoo our chars have, can you tell me about that.” But that could have been bunk too since they were the same fkin player.
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@Pavel I dunno, you gotta do something pretty heinous with a pattern of behavior that suggests you’re not going to ever learn to get on that list.
Like constantly leaving the toilet seat up or not putting your shopping cart away.
I don't know what I'm doing. Poke at Seven Nations sevennations.aresmush.com port 2021
