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MU Peeves Thread
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I had a knee-jerk reaction to someone saying I was ‘victim blaming’ and lashed out a bit.
That bought into the attempted manipulation, and I apologize for that failure.
So I am erasing my former statement and saying this:
Being asked how you (The royal you, not the specific you) would prefer to handle a scene in advance, is not a crime. It is not someone abusing you in any way shape or form.
You are not a /victim/ for being asked how you would like to RP.
Especially when it is done without any lewd or crude comments.
For all those here whom I may end up RP’ing with some day, I am not going to stop making sure my RP partners are comfortable with the direction and tone of RP.
I owe them that.
I am truly saddened that there are people who believe that this is somehow… wrong.
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Fyi, BMD keeps edits, you might want to delete and repost if you really want it gone from the world.
In any case, I was just talking about a specific time I was squicked before things got bad. I do see more explanation was given that I had missed when skimming, that’s on me, but I wasn’t coming at you and it really felt like you were defending yourself from an attack I wasn’t making. The victim thing was probably too far.
I’m allowed to have felt squicked by the time I’m talking about and to have a problem with presumption. You’re allowed to be bothered by the time you asked and had them explode on you.
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@farfalla said in MU Peeves Thread:
@KarmaBum What is your preference for scenes where it starts PG and then heats up? Often I wouldn’t have the chance to check in about things like when to FTB or disliked words/details, because we didn’t start the scene going 'okay we’re gonna fuck so let’s discuss." (Genuine question, not an argument.)
I actually don’t ask, because it feels awk and I never know what to say, and I find any OOC but “I gotta go in an hour” to be awk, but I have had people ask me at the point things are turning in that direction and I appreciated it.
The alternative, in my experience, is a game of TS-chicken in which each person tentatively uses a new word to see how the other person responds but no one wants to be the first one to use it. Which is also awk so I don’t have a solution.
I keep it clinical and leave the ball in their court. I consider that polite without being imposing. The invitation to discuss is there if they want it, but no presumption’s been made.
Example: Hey there, this being fairly new ground, please let me know if at any point you’d prefer to fade or change tack for any reason. I like RPing with you and I’m happy to match your comfort levels.
I like this because the only answer they really need to give is ‘OK,’ and there’s no inherent judgement being made. They can fade because it’s late and they’re not feeling it, there’s no assumption that I the player have made them uncomfortable and will now require a heart-to-heart about why they don’t think I’m sexy enough. There’s no interrogation into their secret inner world. Communicate or don’t; your choice.
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Vaaaaaguely related to the whole boundaries discussion (if I reach a little – a lot – anyhow).
Major peeve with folks whose characters turn up and are all over you and so are they, OOC. Until they realise that you’re not interested in pursuing any kind of romantic or erotic RP relationship with them. At which point you get the cold shoulder and stop to exist.
No peeve with people coming to games to pursue romance first and plot later. But be up front about what you want. Don’t string me along and make me write plot for you, only to leave me sitting feeling like an idiot when your character runs off to chase the next dick.
Any pronouns. Come to Chincoteague. We have ponies. http://keys.aresmush.com
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@L-B-Heuschkel Has anyone ever done that–openly pursued you for the purpose of establishing romance with your character, I mean–in a way that feels respectful of you, like they’re interested in you rather than what you can do for them?
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@GF said in MU Peeves Thread:
@L-B-Heuschkel Has anyone ever done that–openly pursued you for the purpose of establishing romance with your character, I mean–in a way that feels respectful of you, like they’re interested in you rather than what you can do for them?
Me the character or me the person behind the screen? Because it’s usually the latter – I’m an active plot runner and people tend to flock to that. Even when they have no actual interest in plot. Neurotypicals are weird.
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@L-B-Heuschkel said in MU Peeves Thread:
Me the character or me the person behind the screen?
Either/or. I find the distinction between player and character kind of nonsensical most times, since the character is just the player wearing a mask.
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@GF said in MU Peeves Thread:
Either/or. I find the distinction between player and character kind of nonsensical most times, since the character is just the player wearing a mask.
I mean, that’s not all wrong but at the same time, my characters are not me. I don’t share all their views or agendas or characteristics, not to mention appearances.
I get what you mean, though. And there is a bleed between the two when people chase your character because they perceive them as a source of easy action. It just crosses into absurd when the action is not what they actually want.
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@L-B-Heuschkel said in MU Peeves Thread:
Major peeve with folks whose characters turn up and are all over you and so are they, OOC. Until they realise that you’re not interested in pursuing any kind of romantic or erotic RP relationship with them. At which point you get the cold shoulder and stop to exist.
A big part of why I stopped engaging OOC in games was because once it got out I am a man behind the keyboard I became fetishized and this shit happened all the god damn time.
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@GF said in MU Peeves Thread:
@L-B-Heuschkel said in MU Peeves Thread:
Me the character or me the person behind the screen?
Either/or. I find the distinction between player and character kind of nonsensical most times, since the character is just the player wearing a mask.
IIRC this was a can of worms we opened back on MSB at one point that lead to some truly, deeply weird viewpoints being exposed from some of the more…uhhh…interesting people there, lol, so I have to admit I’m a bit hesitant to even start but, I do want to say I don’t think this is always fair assumption to make.
It’s not untrue, because there are definitely people who just play a thinly-fictionalized version of themselves over and over again, but speaking as someone who has played a fair share of weird and out-there characters, that assumption from other people has occasionally been uncomfortable or even hurtful OOC.
I roleplay characters I find interesting, but don’t necessarily relate to at all or agree with (especially when they’re villainous types), and I think that’s pretty common. It’s like acting IRL, right? It’s helpful to have a touchstone or two to help you inhabit them, but people who assume actors are basically the same as the characters they portray in movies or shows are waaaay off.
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That was me being facetious, sorry, I wasn’t trying to attack you personally.
I was just specifically recalling someone who said something to the effect of “everyone playing is really just there in the scene and everything happening to my character is happening to me, pretending you aren’t the same is lying through your teeth.”
Which just seems like a deeply unhealthy way to approach the hobby.
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@Wizz said in MU Peeves Thread:
I roleplay characters I find interesting, but don’t necessarily relate to at all or agree with (especially when they’re villainous types), and I think that’s pretty common.
As someone who loves playing static and friction and ANGER AND RAGE AND MURDER, I very often fundamentally disagree with my PCs. I often build them intentionally to be on the wrong side of a deeply philosophical issue, or to have unattractive features or habits.
So hopefully people don’t actually think I agree with the shit my characters do or that I am my PCs.
I promise, I am not a murderer who wants to eat people IRL.
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@Wizz said in MU Peeves Thread:
That was me being facetious, sorry, I wasn’t trying to attack you personally.
I didn’t take it as an attack, just as you saying you don’t want to be party to or witness an argument. I figured the polite thing to do would therefore be to not provide an argument.
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My characters often spawn conflict. I am conflict-avoidant.
My characters are often deeply flawed. I try to find and correct my flaws.
My characters often consider the law to be an inconvenience, for one reason or another. I think the law is a necessity.
My characters are often killers, either in the form of soldiers or flat-out murderers. I feel guilty if I kill an ant by accident.
My characters are usually sociable and charismatic, or at least capable of dealing with people at times. I’ve learned a lot about how to do the whole people-ing thing from them.
My characters are often over 6’. Me, though, I am definitely not.
My characters are generally male. I’m becoming more open about the fact that I am not and have never been male (although I have been mistaken for it quite often in RL, and even told I’m in the wrong bathroom before now).I find it hard to play a character who isn’t deeply flawed in some way, and attempts to do so invariably fail. My characters are not me; they are warped and twisted reflections of me as seen through a fun-house mirror, then grown through their own experiences.
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@Evilgrayson I’ve spent at least a decade assuming you were a dude.
It never mattered, and I don’t know that we played together a huge amount if ever (though damn if we weren’t on many of the same games over the years).
This is just to corroborate your comment about people’s assumptions re: your RL gender.
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@GF said in MU Peeves Thread:
@Wizz said in MU Peeves Thread:
That was me being facetious, sorry, I wasn’t trying to attack you personally.
I didn’t take it as an attack, just as you saying you don’t want to be party to or witness an argument. I figured the polite thing to do would therefore be to not provide an argument.
I was trying to say that there are some things you just can’t unlearn about people, lol, not that I can’t stand to see disagreements. It’s an interesting topic with a lot of room for interpretation and personal experience colors it pretty intensely.
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@KarmaBum said in MU Peeves Thread:
I promise, I am not a murderer who wants to eat people IRL.
And here’s me, perpetually disappointed that my friends refuse to believe my insistence that I really am a cannibal IRL.
Where do they think vegans get their protein from?
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Being like one of my main characters right now would be okay! He’s a good egg.
Being like the other would make me terrible tho, omg.
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@Kestrel said in MU Peeves Thread:
I keep it clinical and leave the ball in their court. I consider that polite without being imposing.
You have my blanket permission to use any words you want when we get together, except the word turgid. In return I promise to acknowledge that anatomy is an actual thing.
