Asking for RP

[KarmaBum]

I can’t edit the title of the poll but it’s supposed to say “how often are YOU the one asking for RP?”

[Testament]

I honestly wish I was asked more. It’s such a little thing. I’m happy to RP with folks, but it does make me question if maybe I’m just bad at it.

And then you ask on RP Request channels and get crickets and you want to crawl in a hole from embarrassment.

[KarmaBum]

@Testament Just based on conversations with friends and the Peeve thread… most people feel that way.

Just curious how much is confirmation bias: if we’re all the ones doing the asking, and none of us are ever getting asked for a scene, who the fuck are the people getting all these RP invites?

[IoleRae]

@KarmaBum said in Asking for RP:

Just curious how much is confirmation bias: if we’re all the ones doing the asking, and none of us are ever getting asked for a scene, who the fuck are the people getting all these RP invites?

It is my opinion that most of it is confirmation bias. People I love and care for have complained about nobody ever asking them for RP while in a scene with me that I asked them for. More than once.

[mietze]

Pretty much I chase. There are a couple of exceptions now, which is helpful for me nkt feeling like I suck. Because aside from specific people if I stop asking then it just doesn’t happen.

I don’t have to wonder if I stop asking would most people not notice or care because that is the case. I would love to be someone who can’t log in without being pounced on and invited and dragged into things but I simply have never inspired that. My suspicion is that most of the people who seem that way are in fact other askers so the appearance isn’t the reality and that is helpful too.

I often feel awkward or like I am bothering people or worry that the reason why is because they really don’t like my RP or me but are too polite to tell me to stop asking. I too get a pit in my stomach when I ask on a channel and get crickets constantly. Sometimes I have to stop because I get a little down. I am a social introvert so the constant asking and nerves does wear me down a bit.

However I also think that I have the appearance of being constantly busy because I have RP appointments. People just don’t see how much asking in advance I’m doing. The few times that I’ve connected with another asker has been lovely especially when they want to RP with me a lot and ask as much or more than I ask of them. It is really nice to get that recharge. I hope the folks I ask so they don’t have to feel the same way.

[icanbeyourmuse]

I don’t know the any of the options will really fit for me. I sometimes ask, am sometimes asked, but I don’t really go out of my way to get involved in stuff. I’m more of a ‘I’ll help fill spots’ or give up my spot someone who is clearly more invested than me (90% of the time my investment is ‘this looks fun. I’ll do it.’).

[Third Eye]

Used to feel like I was usually the one asking (or doing the work to get out there in public, for me sitting and trying to lure someone feels equally if not more stressful in terms of effort but mileage varies). It’s worth it because somebody has to but it wears after a while, especially if you feel like someone never reciprocates.

In a place that feels more 50/50 now, which is maybe just New Character Enthusiasm but I hope it lasts. It’s a platonic ideal.

[IoleRae]

There’s also the “it doesn’t count when it’s my bff” consideration; when I get cranky about this (and I do, regularly, if I stop checking myself), one of the things I’ve noticed is when I play with the same group really regularly, when one of them asks me to play it doesn’t penetrate the cranky, at all.

It feels a lot like compliments, in some ways. “We’re close, they HAVE to say that”, and it makes little difference to the brain weasels.

[Zephyr]

@mietze said in Asking for RP:

My suspicion is that most of the people who seem that way are in fact other askers so the appearance isn’t the reality and that is helpful too.

The only people I’ve known that get asked often are the ones that engage with a lot of people and ask others for RP often too. It’s a hard energy to match because it takes charisma and the drive to ask ask ask without worrying if people will say no. I usually ask about half the time and that gets me ok results, but it can be hit or miss.

[Faraday]

@KarmaBum said in Asking for RP:

Just curious how much is confirmation bias: if we’re all the ones doing the asking, and none of us are ever getting asked for a scene, who the fuck are the people getting all these RP invites?

I do think there are subconscious perceptions involved. You’re probably more likely to remember the times you asked on RP Requests and got crickets than tracking whether it was you or your regular RP partner who initiated the scene this week.

I also think the crickets are more situational than a reflection of your value as a RPer. People waiting for someone, or just hanging out OOC, or just not feeling up for random social RP, or having a hard time figuring out how to work a scene with very different chars or whatever.

[KarmaBum]

@mietze said in Asking for RP:

I often feel awkward or like I am bothering people or worry that the reason why is because they really don’t like my RP or me but are too polite to tell me to stop asking.

Me, too. I think this is where a lot of people wind up with that “I’ll ask you once then the ball is in your court” mentality. Which then that other person doesn’t KNOW they’re the ones expected to reach out, especially when YOU normally do the reaching out, so no one is reaching out…

@Third-Eye said in Asking for RP:

for me sitting and trying to lure someone feels equally if not more stressful in terms of effort but mileage varies

Yeah, me too. I’m much more a fan of the Ares style - “Anyone want to RP?” - than just sitting on the grid all day, hoping.

@IoleRae said in Asking for RP:

one of the things I’ve noticed is when I play with the same group really regularly, when one of them asks me to play it doesn’t penetrate the cranky, at all.

Yeah, there are people where it’s like “of course YOU want to play with me, but what about all these other people!!”

Which is dumb because those people are some of the best RPers I know, they bounce off me better than anyone, why the fuck wouldn’t it be flattering if they ask me to scene?!

[tsar]

It varies. Sometimes there’s a bit of one-sidedness in either direction for me. I am a person that likes to publicly fish for random RP, but I’ve been trying to make an effort to ask other people in a more direct way.

Sometimes the people I mean to ask are just faster askers, lol. @Third-Eye frequently beats me to it, but a week or two back I was like checks watch, desperately page as quickly as possible

[mietze]

@KarmaBum I think the ask once policy might as well be don’t ask especially for pick up rp right then and there, at least in my experience. For me when I take a break is after weeks or months of asking or touching base where the interest doesn’t seem to be there or I see them constantly engaging with others. Even then I try to remember its not personal most likely but I am human too.

[bear_necessities]

@KarmaBum said in Asking for RP:

Yeah, there are people where it’s like “of course YOU want to play with me, but what about all these other people!!”
Which is dumb because those people are some of the best RPers I know, they bounce off me better than anyone, why the fuck wouldn’t it be flattering if they ask me to scene?!

I mean you know me so this probably doesn’t come as a surprise but sometimes I even get awkward asking people in my group to RP because it’s like… oh hi, it’s me again, wanna rp again?

I ask a lot. There are a couple of people that ask me. We’re usually the same group of people asking one another

[Snackness]

I have a constant grinding fear of overinflicting myself on someone. So I’ll reach out usually a lot less than I’d like to.

[KarmaBum]

@bear_necessities said in Asking for RP:

I mean you know me

I will be the first to admit that I take you for granted.

[mietze]

I definitely assume I’m overinflicting. I think part of it’s a learned trait because honestly I don’t think I should take up much space. It’s weird, because I don’t want to not ask and then not have the opportunity to play–but at the same time it’s hard to shut off that worry that the only reason why is because I forced my way in/beat people down with the asking. I think there’s a lot of people who feel that way to various degrees, whether they’re askers or not.

But luckily at least for me once I’ve jumped in the scene/things get going, then I am not thinking about that at all.

[bear_necessities]

@KarmaBum lol trust that I don’t think you do at all

@Snackness I like that word, “overinflict”. I feel that so hard sometimes. I will say that I never feel overinflicted with you! I enjoy our scenes

[Testament]

@Faraday Oh I’m sure it’s my own perception that I often remember the times that I got nothing in return as opposed to the times someone went out of their way to ask me.

@Snackness said in Asking for RP:

I have a constant grinding fear of overinflicting myself on someone. So I’ll reach out usually a lot less than I’d like to.

Yeeeeeah, that too. Hi, that’s also me.

[Tat]

The fear of overinflicting is why I prefer asking for RP on the RP channel most of the time. Because if someone says yes there, it’s because they wanted to, and not because I put them ON THE SPOT!

I feel like I have to know someone pretty well and be pretty comfortable with them before I page them for RP.

Except for text scenes. For some reason I have no issues with inflicting someone with a random text scene. Maybe it just feels like I’m asking less of them than making them pose whole sentences with actions and props and stuff.