People in the hobby that hear “please leave me alone” and just…can’t.
Ever.
No matter what.
And somehow, SOMEHOW, you’re the villain for wanting them to leave you the fuck alone even after you’ve said (REPEATEDLY) that they need to do so.
LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. I AM STAYING IN MY CORNER. I WILL NOT COME BOTHER YOU IN YOURS. LEAVE. ME. ALONE.
this is not an unreasonable request.
In the midst of the chaos that is my life, I have received (and accepted) a job offer with a life changing salary, 3/4ths full time hours, with my old boss that got fired from my current job (and two of my other former coworkers I miss more than I would my arm if it got cut off). Doing the work I’m good at (that has been taken away from me at the tribe itself) with people that actively need MY specific brand of help, not just a warm body.
The start date is quite a ways off (I don’t want to leave the tribe out in the cold), but I have one. I’ve never made anywhere near this much money. I’m gonna be able to --even with my medical challenges-- get my white picket fences, a working car, and pay off all my years of medical bills.
It’s really hard to believe it’s gonna happen, but if it does…damn.
She did gross stuff to me personally, directly, within recent memory. She also did the same thing to me before. She used the first time she did it as evidence that I deserved the second time she did it. I knew nobody would believe me so I didn’t fight it, didn’t offer her a target, and did everything I could to stay off of her radar. It worked. Eventually other people figured out what had happened and I got apologized to. I’m only a little bitter, and my ire is reserved these days for her. The position that she put me in with her lies and gaslighting – that people I liked and respected believed UNTRUE things about me – it was hurtful, and it was deliberate, and I never got an apology from her.
There’s no fucking "both sides’ here. She did NOT apologize. She has NEVER apologized. I DID NOT AND NEVER DID DESERVE WHAT IT IS SHE DID TO ME. NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT. NO HUMAN BEING EVER DESERVES TO BE TREATED LIKE THAT.
And let me tell you, not being believed by people I respected and trusted SUCKED. It sucked on a fucking primal goddamned level.
It STILL makes me hurt and frustrates me on a fairly regular basis that thanks to her and one other DELIGHTFUL fucking individual, there are a number of people who genuinely believe some really terrible things about me, but don’t even really remember where it came from or why they think it. I long ago realized that the only way to get past that is just to keep showing up as myself, but it’s fucking rough sometimes. ESPECIALLY when people start howling that this sort of behavior, the person did nothing wrong. WTAF.
Not talking about it further, but I have to say: thanks guys. A+++ community response, very helpful, much appreciated, I am feeling safer instead of worse things again. You guys really are great.
As said by pretty much every single abusive asshole ever.
Which one of the people mentioned are you?
eta: even if they did show their receipts, it wouldn’t be good enough. then it would be time to nitpick, gaslight, go after the character of the witness, explain how they asked for and/or deserved it, or how they were fine with it right up until they posted and–and every other silencing tactic you can think of to possibly throw at it. We know your game. We don’t play it here.
No, and fucking leave me alone. Take your ‘fairly damning’ lies and shove them where the sun don’t shine. I don’t need to hear the shit that she MADE UP about me.
IT ISN’T TRUE.
And also, trying to THREATEN ME so that I will talk to you when I have you BLOCKED everywhere else?
THIS IS NOT GOOD BEHAVIOR.
Why are you participating in trying to victimize me further on her behalf, knowing that she makes up stories about me? “My side” is “she is lying and has been lying the whole time”.
My favorite part of the community split is that the worst of the slut-shamers stayed behind. 
It will stop and be boring much, much more swiftly if folks stop talking about it here. The only reason for the behavior happening in the way that it is is because the people doing it can CLEARLY see that the needling and backhanded insults are stirring everyone up.
This is Ghost and Monique, folks. They have a long-term history of intentionally getting under peoples’ skin for the purposes of just…being mean. Probably best to stop feeding them, as hard as can be.
They’re going to build what they deserve, and be stuck to marinate in their own shit. Just leave them to it. If it turns out that it winds up being positive and good and what they’re SAYING it’s going to be, then the hobby wins. In no world does continuing to engage serve the greater good.
The fact of the matter is, the overarching narrative there right now isn’t wrong. There was a schism, and it is generally positive for the hobby to have it split off.
The thing is though, who left was not a single clique.
It was everyone EXCEPT for a single clique.
There’s like 5 very distinct “social groups” inhabiting this place, and we’ve already seen scuffles between them that were dealt with immediately and generally amiably. There’s a last holdout of a second social group over there that hasn’t left yet, but given every time one of them speaks up the dominant group there accuses them of being “BMD”, I suspect they’ll be joining us sooner (rather than later).
Look at who is claiming that place as a “safe space, now”. Stalkers, harassers, abusers, gaslighters, and the people who enable them. Whoopdie do.
They can look at what they’ve built and be happy with it. I’d be mortified to have built an exclusive club for the worst people the hobby has to offer, but hey. Different strokes for different folks I guess.
@RightMeow said in Bannings:
I’m not posting hatred, but what I will say is the observations that you are being given - are not fully correct. I don’t think they are fully lies either. I think it is a selective bias being given to you.
I don’t think you meant this the way that it comes across, but I want to clarify: yes, a fair amount of what is being spouted is 100% fabrication, not based in fact at all. Much of what she says about me is complete falsehood, rather than a side of a story. I am not the only one treated like this. One of the biggest, most hurtful ways that the entire thing against me was accomplished was by somebody hearing her story, my flat denial, and the person in question going ‘whelp, two sides to every story’. But there wasn’t. I had not done anything except exist to have her making shit up about me.
This narrative is hurtful when in regards to people that were attacked and hurt with lies. Particularly given the “both sides” argument was specifically weaponized in this case. She RELIES on this, because people don’t ever believe that somebody just makes shit up wholecloth, that it has to be based in SOMETHING, that the person she’s lying about just can’t own their part in the conflict. That is how the whole scam works, by taking advantage of the benefit of the doubt and the “A, B, and the truth” narrative. We all know logs can be faked, but who ever thinks the one their friend sent them was?
I existed. This brought us into conflict. She lost her shit at me. I stood my ground. She started spouting crap to other people that had no basis in reality. Nothing. Made up things I said. Fabricated stories about things I did. Some people believed her. I, having just dealt with a round of that shit IRL, left. Years later, some person comes at me on a channel utterly unhinged, and then I get Talked To about having driven her off of a game before and not engaging. Who? Her? What? Oh fuck, I remember this ride. I’m not leaving this time, it will eventually come out. We had a repeat of the first time. I held my ground. It eventually came out.
fin.
I do not, will not, agree that this warrants that two sides bullshit. I did not do the things she accuses me of. I did not instigate a conflict. AT MOST, I had something she wanted – and that is not instigation. Anything that could be called “fairly damning” even a LITTLE BIT is fabrication. I was there.
Anyone here can tell people that I own a whole lot of my shares of conflicts. I am not above taking responsibility when I fuck up, because I DO fuck up. Had I done to her what she says I did to her I would be VERY SORRY, because I cannot cope with hurting people like that. I freak out when I think I MIGHT have hurt somebody’s feelings for actual seriousness. I like to fall on my sword if it will make somebody smile again.
The absolute hardest situation (gamewise, lol) I have dealt with in recent history was hard because my ask, “please leave me alone, please stop talking to me” was causing somebody else pain. The conflict spiraled up SHARPLY because protecting me meant hurting somebody I cared about and even though “please leave me alone” should not be hurtful it was still impossible and I got hysterical and the repercussions of that took a LONG time to resolve. Hell, that’s part of why I’m so upset about the current MSB thing – somebody I care about is hurting, but I have to, have to, have to take care of me and do what I feel is right. And that sucks, but there’s just no way around it.
I am messy, but I’m not cruel.
Long story short: Knowing (a very small amount of) what she says about me (and how untruthful that is), what she says about everyone else is just as suspect. Is it POSSIBLE that some of it is true? I guess maybe. Don’t think much of the really outrageous stuff is likely, though.
“It’s more important to protect an abuser’s reputation than it is to protect a victim from abuse. She must PROVE she is a victim beyond reasonable doubt to ensure we don’t hurt his feelings by excluding him.”
it me again
new job a+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The need for “civility” is used to silence abuse victims, particularly in relation to their abuser and the accusations. I’ll leave it at that.
eta: No I won’t. I need to add that particularly victims of childhood abuse, it is a frequent enough result that they have an impossible time taking up ANY space, let alone the space that their anger IS entitled to based on what was done to them. Getting angry, being ABLE to get angry, about abuse? It’s healthy and reasonable. When somebody does terrible things to you (or people you care about), an emotional reaction is perfectly reasonable.
It’s not just about winning arguments.
So, while I’m getting a little self-conscious that I’m posting like eleventy billion times in a row…hopefully this amuses somebody enough that it’s reasonable to post it.
Last night, I had errands to run after work. I stopped at a variety of stores, and finally arrived at one that did not have an automatic door. I stopped, I looked at the door. I pulled my keychain out of my pocket, and I clicked the ‘unlock’ button at the door. I waited several seconds, expecting the door to open.
It did not open.
I realized my mistake, put my keys back into my pocket, and looked around. No one had witnessed my shame.
Whew.
Did I just go to bed, when I got home? Admit that my day had defeated me, and crawled beneath my ELECTRIC BLANKET to drift off to dreamland?
Of course not.
Instead, I played my game. And I went to the furthest corner of the most sprawling map, and I did a quest there. Then, I teleported back to the hub. I was talking to a friend at the time, so I ran out of the hub on auto pilot…all the way back to exactly the same spot I had been in before I had teleported, instead of going through the gate on the other side.
At that point, I finally realized that I had exhausted my brainpower, and it was time to go to bed.
tl;dr: my new job is using my brain in a way that it hasn’t been used for about a year, and my brain is tired, and I am tired, but it’s a GOOD tired, instead of the terrible sort. I am doing GOOD WORK and it is the most incredible feeling.
I have no good feelings for Macha and everything possible to be able to identify her should be shared, but I do think that speculation as to whether or not she’s as disabled or sick as she says she is should probably just not happen.
The other thing I have to say from this, is thanks @hellfrog – something you said once upon a time that I would quote here if I could that the advice really stuck with me, but I was left with the impression of the advice about people talking behind your back (it was about just continuing to show up), and it percolated for a long time. I think it was said to somebody else, even, but.
I really don’t have to care about this. I don’t have to worry that y’all are going to believe this random wacky person just because they said something. I am a known quantity. I do have flaws (hooboy), but being a bigot isn’t one of them. I don’t have to be scared, because I can just keep being me and that’s plenty.
I am at new job now.
My poor brain hasn’t been used like this in years, but that’s not a complaint.
I am ridiculously, ridiculously, stupidly, incredibly happy that I can sleep in in the mornings, and do work at 10PM at night if I feel like it. Not only is it OK, but I am NOT THE ONLY PERSON ON MY TEAM TO DO THIS.
eta: also I officially have permission to contract MY assistant person from my last job. He is to me what I am to my boss – fills in my gaps and makes my job possible, so getting him on board in going to be HUGELY helpful.
Conveniently leaving off the “threatening” descriptor from “I just sent DMs to somebody I didn’t know had me blocked on multiple platforms” is my favorite part. Also, naming you an abuser isn’t implying you’re a rapist. It’s naming you an abuser. Because you fucking sent me threatening DMs here when I had you blocked on multiple other platforms. Which is abusive. Which makes you an abuser.
Asshat.
There is NO PLANET on which telling someone who has you blocked “talk to me or I will spread lies about you” is anything except abusive. And frankly, that you leveled an ultimatum like that to begin with (the demand to engage with you) belies that you didn’t know you were blocked. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have needed a fucking ultimatum.
“staff is dedicated to mediating and helping seek resolutions”
Do they think people don’t understand what this means?
Everything else aside, YOU CANNOT FUCKING MEDIATE BETWEEN A SEXUAL HARASSOR AND THEIR VICTIM. There is no appropriate resolution to be sought beyond GET RID OF THE PREDATOR.
that’s not how this works. that’s not how ANY of this works.
“have staff and the predator badger you until you either withdraw your complaint or go away” is what this post invites people to do.
I’m sure people are totally going to line up to be told they’re too sensitive, that Hadrix was joking, that he didn’t KNOW they were uncomfortable, and also it’s just a game why are you taking it so seriously/personally, and how he has a wife and she likes being talked to like that so it can’t be sexual harassment, and it was just his CHARACTER he’s a nice guy, and anyway he invested so much OOC time and so many IC resources in your character and it’s pretty ungrateful/scummy for you to have been leading him on if this is how you’re gonna be. seems like you led him on to get the stuff, and then once you got the stuff you put in a complaint so you get to keep it, no consequences. that’s cheating! So from now on, you’re not allowed to be in any scenes with him, and if you’re somewhere and he shows up, you need to excuse yourself, because you’re the one with the problem. fucking hysterical women.
$1 says that if any apology is offered, it includes the words “I’m sorry that you”
If you always pal around with somebody who openly abuses other people, you don’t get to be offended when you get painted with that brush, or when people decide that you condone the behavior. It was a hard lesson for me, but it is what it is. I STILL apologize to people for the PF shit. I was bad. I was culpable. Just because I didn’t do it doesn’t mean my presence didn’t support it or let it hurt more people. Same with Spider’s enablers. Spider might be awful, but they never ever would have managed the damage they did without the folks blowing smoke up their ass or the staff on games they played in cheating for them.
Lay down with dogs, get up with fleas.