I came to a game when asked by a friend.
I created a char and that char became platonic friends with Ruiz’ character. They presented to me IC as gay, so flirting was just teasing not serious IC.

Then they put me in a very trauma inducing scene. They refused to let me leave the scene. Then when their IC SO got upset OOC. They asked for a retcon. I felt OOC violated but at the same time (I know it sounds stupid) I felt like I had done something wrong in it. So I said sure and it would probably be best that we not interact.

Then they would come into any scene that I was publicly in to make me nope out. They would page me how I was being mean to them and showing how horrible I was. How I just used people, etc. and that’s shown by my distancing myself. — Ignore I was trying to create a boundary.

They would also tell me about their RL difficulties and that is why they couldn’t read the room, etc.

Then I just silently left the game. No fanfare. I would log on and just be struck with an inability to talk to anyone or do anything because I thought they would show up.

The person that started out as my friend was no longer my friend without explanation and I was hurt and unsure how to process that, but I just walked away.

After I left, someone finally asked me what happened there in a private message because shit was going down for others. So I told them what happened and what went down. This is where I learned that they were telling people lies about the interactions, about my RL intergrity, and just a whole lot of bad shit.

They know what they are doing. They don’t care or they would stop doing it. I’m sure they aren’t the evil because I normally think people aren’t but hurting others isn’t a cry for help; it’s abuse.

That said. I’m not fully sure I’m fully over it now. I still get panic over thinking I’ve mis-stepped or whatnot and I don’t want to form friendships OOC and a lot more that’s come from it.

Anyways. That’s my run in, on this board as well.

Moving on – just realize there are real people behind the fictional characters online. Take a deep breath and just try to be kind.

I get people all the time looking at me and asking how I can possibly forget to eat when I have a day off. I tried to explain it once.

Start - I’m hungry I should make a sandwich
Walk in kitchen
Notice dishes aren’t put away
Put dishes away
Consider the cabinet
Decide to re-organize the dish cabinet
Look at the other cabinets.
Remember that you were supposed to text someone
Send text
Why am I hungry?
Go to make sandwich
Get out plate - feel like you accomplished something looking at your organized dishes
Open fridge
Realize that you forgot to throw out some leftovers
Throw out leftovers
Trash has to go out
You should probably make it one trip
Clean out fridge
Decide to clean out fridge
Might as well do freezer
Stand there trying to remember what you were originally doing because you know it was something not fridge related
Oh right! Trash
Take out trash
Probably should get mail. Is it Sunday? That would be really awkward if the neighbors saw you check mail on Sunday. You know there is no mail on Sunday, but would they know you know? Mentally review your week
It’s Wednesday, check mail.
Go back inside
Oh, dog needs out
Come back, respond to text
Still hungry
Remember you were making a sandwich
Look at clock
It’s pretty close to next meal, should you eat now or wait
This debate lingers far more than it should
Ponder dinner
Look for dinner ideas
Get up to remember what you don’t have frozen as you don’t have time to defrost it
Go back to looking up dinner ideas
Read boards (ahem)
Still hungry.
Look at time.
Ponder if you have time to eat before bed.
You have to eat
Order pizza/grubhub/etc because hey it will get here
Remember you have a plate on the counter
…

It goes on and on.

I just want everyone to know that I have appreciated each and every one of you. I know I’m not ‘in crowd’ or anything, but thank you for all the stories. I’m not leaving this board like I posted on the other one. I just want to let you all know too.

On MSB - all of you being involved with me or reaching out led to my handling of DownWithOPP and with my issues with Ruiz. I’m avoidant IRL about emotions and stuff, so it helped. I would never have said anything if no one reached out. Also IRL - the ADHD board led me to a diagnosis that helped my RL. While I’m quiet a lot and I don’t share personal things too much - I just want you all to know that I appreciate each of you.

I also wanted to post it on this board because it’s spawned on MSB and those things happening happened there. So thank you. Thank you for engaging with me here and there. Thank you for RPing with Esme on Arx. I have enjoyed every scene, every time.

Okay, carry on.

Thank you.

@shit-piss-love

I had a person or two reach out in private message to me here to invite me to their games. I didn’t have the spoons for it at the time, but I fucking appreciated it. So maybe if you open a game, just send them a chat you’d like them to play there. That way it’s not public but you don’t have to have Discord or other OOC connections. This coming from someone who doesn’t discord.

@hobos said in hobos Temporary Ban Discussion Thread:

… makes me doubt that every actual predator that you all have dogpiled in this hobby is even a predator at all.

Nope. We are not doing this today. I understand you are upset and I am not validating their comments about you. However, we are not going to go down the road you are steering. Please just don’t. As a person who dealt with one of these people, don’t invalidate my experience because you are angry at someone or something said to you.

Please just don’t.

So this isn’t a vent well it sort of is but it’s like 90% good and 10% sad.

Last week I started tracking food and being more accountable to myself about my food choices. It went fine. I felt fine. No headaches that sometimes come with it. I went out to dinner with a friend. I just accounted for it and ate super super clean the day before and day after.

I do my weight check-in on Monday with myself and I lost 2.3 pounds. Not drinking enough water or added exercise yet. I really just started meal prepping my lunches, etc.

So my 90% is that I’m super proud of me. Small victory, but a victory. My 10%? I can’t share this with anyone in my life. They would just say it’s water weight or that it’s just two pounds in a first week and come back after it’s 10 pounds or more.

I’m keeping this to myself because I don’t want the people around me to defeat me, but sometimes it also sucks, you know?

Anyways – thank you for reading!

Remember to be kind we are all on our own journeys in life.

… oops?

I made a post about the bannings (as I got home and caught up). Then Derp posted. Then he deleted it but I was 10 paragraphs into my response.

Well, my bad.

Also, not that I’m involved (or my opinion matters in the grand scheme of things), but I respect all of you. I have enjoyed all the interactions even if I didn’t agree. I don’t think this was warranted. I know everyone is joking, but I’m sorry that it happened to you.

Now, back to the lies and slander.

This is just my opinion. Opinion. Not right. Not wrong. Just a thought in my own mind. Nothing to say your thoughts are wrong.

I feel like when people say ‘many people have told me’ and they don’t want to talk about it; it decreases the effectiveness of those willing to voice it.

(Note I don’t play these games and have nothing personally invested here)

If I tell you something, I don’t want to be championed for. If I want to be championed for, then I would be willing to let you talk about it. If you are not given that and still bringing it up in a public place – you ARE talking about it. There is a chance that my trust that you’d keep my worries between us is now broken.

If I do have the gumption to say: Hey this happened. It makes it seem like I might just be ‘dogpiling’ and doing it to back up the point of my friend. Is that fair? No. Is it considered? Yes.

Also, part of the issue I got with DWOPP is that they would do stuff like that. They would say hey avoid X because I’ve heard xyz about them. However, they were championing for people and just letting me know. This is not a helpful thing, this is a manipulative tactic. It might not come from a bad place, but it becomes suspect. It’s a tactic the abusers use.

I also feel like ‘lots of people said this’ causes some people (and sometimes the people that need to hear it with the power to do something) to tune out with ‘Oh this again’. Which means it makes it harder for me to come to them with my concerns as well, or invalidates my legit and personal issues with the person.

Also, I want to say this. Doing nothing. Saying nothing. Walking away. It’s valid choice if it’s what you as the person it happened to need to do. Not everyone has the spoons to deal with that, and it’s okay.

End note to all my words (sorry) – At the end of the day, just remember to breathe and be kind.

MU peeve – I’m not on a MU playing.
Also MU peeve – I don’t think I have the time/energy for a new game.
Additional MU peeve – Meeting new people to RP with is either really super fun or really really really stressful.

That is all. Carry on. Just my weekly random comment to stay part of the community.

I was going to put this in my vent but I didn’t want it tainted, with that. The good things.

I worked a very stressful job for years. I set a standard with it. I ran a team of about 150-200 people. I fought ‘the boys club’ and held my own. However, this did not come without a cost. I LIVED my job. I was there 50-70 hours. It was toxic. I could never do it right. I had to work six times harder. My solutions were not solutions. My obstacles were excuses. Then I made the scary decision to quit my job (which I posted here) to give myself a ‘work/life’ balance. I took a pay cut to do this.

Well, I’ve been doing this new job almost 90 days now. So for my check-in. I’m good with this. The culture is very focused on mental health. I’m praised for my strengths. I’m encouraged to give my thoughts and feedback. They are great at saying I’m valued. I’ve been waiting for the shoe to drop, but there isn’t any shoes. This is how it is.

I’m traveling more. I have a few weekends off here and there. I’m going out and reconnecting with my friends and my family more. I just want to check in and say – it was a good choice.

If you are uncertain in something like this. Take the leap. Go on the trip. Do the thing. I’ve been able to decrease anxiety medications. I almost feel like myself again (more on that in other threads), but it was a GREAT decision and my finances have taken care of themselves too.

@kalakh

I feel all the words of your reply like I did the original posting. I think personally, it’s an insecurity of mine. So when it has been pointed out (again not in a loving way) it just makes me even more anxious. THEN add to it that I don’t have an RP community so I have to break into another one. Ugh. I mean. I have y’all but no one on the game that can be my designated RP person/companion cube/support page receiver until I figure out the vibe and flow. Also being blessed/cursed that I type at a fairly quick pace - I can get text blocks out like I invented them. It’s a thing.

It’s good/bad that someone else understands the ‘too much’ comment. Like yay for relation. Boo for the bad and anxiety that comes with it.

Salutations!

I know for me that I have in life been told I’m too much. If you know me, then you know what I mean. I get very VERY excited when I’m excited about things and I babble in pages or I want to RP. I’m just very excited to write a story with the other person or find out what happens next, etc. I am also very hyper and optimist IRL and it carries over to my paging. So, as someone who has been told that I need to calm down. I take that as a part of my personality to fix. I’ve been told it IRL and MU life. Thus, I don’t always know that line on how much is too much and get stuck in a paralysis pattern. Then in an overthinker pattern. Online is worse because I can’t see the other person’s non-verbal cues. I can’t see if you smiled when you saw me. If you frowned or hesitated, etc. Thus I’m left with words that I have to figure out and probably not well.

Then if you suddenly stop inviting me to RP (with the hopes I’ll reach out), I panic the other way. I feel like I’ve upset you. As I’ve been told in MU realm that if I upset someone, you shouldn’t contact them unless they contact you or it can look like inadvertent harassing; I’m again in decision paralysis. Do I reach out? Do I assume there is an issue and that makes it worse? Normally the second because the behaviors suddenly changed.

I know I’m not the person in question, because I’m not really playing anywhere, but that would be why I personally was doing or not doing what was happening. Although, now I try to lay out my crazy to people up front. Like, hey you are going to have to tell me if I’m paging too much or inviting too much - because I might get so hyper-fixated on writing the story - I don’t read the clues or misunderstand the ‘tone’ of the text.

@Snackness

All the love. I’ve been through this and even if it is expected, it isn’t easy. We are here if you want to talk.

My new desc:

Felt cute, might delete later.

I still stand by your sexy factor, etc is less PB and more RP. Sure, sure your PB can be great or whatever, but if you can build a story with me? Chef’s kiss.

If you can make me cry (not in the bad way), and laugh, and fall in love with the story; that is the sexiest element. I’ll probably breeze over your desc to know how tall and things I might need to notice, but then take my cues from how you pose.

Also, all body types are gorgeous and I’m glad they are out there.

@Juniper

Messily with lots of four letter words. Ouch included

MU peeve – I’m not on a MU playing.
Also MU peeve – I don’t think I have the time/energy for a new game.
Additional MU peeve – Meeting new people to RP with is either really super fun or really really really stressful.

That is all. Carry on. Just my weekly random comment to stay part of the community.

Self peeve of the day - two actually.

1. I’m going to really commit to being healthy — 2 hours later – oh hey, chips.

2. I’m going to be an adult and follow a budget. I’m super excited about this. — Sure, let’s go to dinner. Hmm, I don’t need that thing, but I think I’ll buy it anyways.

I’d like to blame my ADHD and the serotonin, but I think it’s just me and it’s really frustrating some days. I know I can do better about it, but you know… I don’t. Or let’s focus on getting a good night’s sleep and going to bed at a great time — while posting on a forum at 11:50pm.

Sorry, carry on. Just venting at the void about my life decisions.

@crawfish

I feel like we need a list for everything and explanations. Release the truth about cats.

I miss RPing. I’ve filled my hours with other things, but I miss logging on and writing stories with people. I also miss the daily chatting with people I use to chat with about random stuff.

However, the idea of making a new character makes me feel like I don’t have the mental energy. Then I’m not sure how well my RP will be after the ‘break’ I’ve been on.

Anyways, in conclusion – if we’ve RPed at all, you’ve been on my mind and you rock - so thank you for writing stories with me.