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Something I Need to Say
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@dvoraen honestly this surprises me just based on what I’ve seen from you in the community. We don’t run in many of the same circles but you seem like a cool person and not somebody that would raise my red flag alert.
I know it sucks but maybe just write it off as a fluke and carry on. Hopefully they at least told you what you said to make people uncomfortable?
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@bear_necessities I didn’t ask. I didn’t want to potentially make matters worse. Plus, I feel like I have a guess where one of the root causes is.
One of my faults is that I can get carried away with something very easily, and/or something was funny or seemed okay only to me in the moment — but in reality it puts people off. I think this was part of it, but not all of it. There may be more that I just don’t remember because it didn’t trigger my internal filters so I didn’t think of it as a problem, but others did. That’s happened before.
Anyway, I didn’t want receipts. The person who spoke to me does not have questionable dealings or behavior, and that was why I didn’t want to cause any further issue, or belabor the matter with them. It did not seem appropriate.
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Speaking as a staffer that revoked a ban from someone when (like a month after the fact) they finally gave their side of the story. I 100% advocate for advocating for yourself.
If someone is asking you to leave a game it is not a crime to say “Ok, but can I ask why? Can I ask what I did?”
Anyone worth their salt is going to explain to you what actions lead to that decision.
Cobalt@Under the Stars
cob.alt@Discord
Cobalt#3811@mas.to -
I would try not to assume that the second of the two people had anything to do with what happened, especially if they specifically mentioned channels. (or frankly unless you know the other person very well, assuming the person that spoke kindly to you didn’t have an issue.) Especially if you are caught off guard, and still don’t see much in the way of possible interpretations of your actions that might have led to this/are still upset/embarrassed and a bit dysregulated over things. (this is an understandable reaction btw). It sounds like it was the channel behavior that was the issue based on what you report staff said to you, rather than a private individual interaction.
I’m also going to say in my experience having to ask a handful of people to leave on games over the years (in a very small game/invite only environment) that I think that a lot of people fear that being disinvited from a game means that you are in the league of one of the infamous sex pests or predators or the like. In the past there was a very very high bar for being told, “sorry, but it doesn’t seem this is a good fit on our end”, so that’s an understandable punch of adrenaline to the gut to think that anyone could think you were as “bad” as those you’ve seen kicked off of other games after doing something universally terrible. In practice these days, I think a lot of places/staff have a lower bar where asking someone to leave actually is just saying that particular game environment just isn’t going to be a mutually pleasant experience, and so no one’s time should be wasted by going further.
But there are some games that do run a lot tighter ship when it comes to channel culture, how much perceived argumentative or negativity someone brings, oversharing, high energy banter, ect. It might be that if they hadn’t just been honest that the welcome was no longer there, that you would have just had to endure the freeze or being ignored, which isn’t great either. If they put an end to it even prior to approval, at least that is respecting your time.
However, I wonder if there was a mixup if you were using an actual guest character and it was a guest character that was named in the behavior issue. It could have been someone that was using it before! So if this wasn’t tied to an actual bit unique to you, it might’ve been worth it to ask about the specifics or ask them to double check logins/times. Depending on the system that might be a tall order. If they’ve blocked you though, I wouldn’t pursue it. I know it’s hard to let things go especially depending on how your brain works. I know this isn’t a satisfactory answer. It’s okay to want some more information or closure. But pragmatically you may not get it. If you autolog, maybe give things a week or two for the shock to wear off (and hopefully you are also playing at other places than this one so you can get in some nice RP time with others who you know do enjoy you!) and then consider rereading what was paged/said to see you understand the context any more when you don’t feel like you’ve just had the floor drop out from under you. I know you said it’s been a week, but for something like this I think it takes more than that for the shock to wear off.
ETA I don’t know your alts/where you play (even when I am on ares games I try hard to not know people’s alts to be honest) so these are just my blind thoughts.
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@Cobalt said in Something I Need to Say:
If someone is asking you to leave a game it is not a crime to say “Ok, but can I ask why? Can I ask what I did?”
And ask it in this kind of way. Don’t ask “Who complained” or the like, that’s just a big ol’ red flag.
Otherwise, it’s not really a sign that you’re a bad person just a bad fit.
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@dvoraen You know what? I always say 'getting banned from a game is not a judgment of you as a person" and I mean that. Especially if someone is taking a “this just doesn’t flow/fit here” approach. There’s no tone in text, and if you think you have an idea what caused it, just let it pass off your back. You clearly don’t WANT to make people uncomfortable, but sometimes we do anyway.
ETA if you truly cannot identify what you might have done, then maybe it’s worth reaching out to the staffer and asking for clarification - and yeah as noted, don’t ask who complained or what they said, just which behavior was not acceptable for the game, so that you can take that and learn from it as appropriate.
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It’s normal to feel loss and emptiness when you stop playing a game. Having it happen abruptly and involuntarily does that even more so.
In criminal trials, it’s often accepted that the accused has the right to confront the accuser.
However the management of a MUSH is not a criminal court. There is no due process, no evidentiary standard, nothing.
So in cases like this, you’re adrift, empty, and with no closure. That stinks for you.
However I would suggest that if you were told that your conduct on channels was a factor then one peer player wasn’t the difference here. This would be about things the game runners could see on channels.
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Also you didn’t specify the game and there are bad games and bad game runners. The problem may not be you.
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@shit-piss-love said in Something I Need to Say:
Also you didn’t specify the game and there are bad games and bad game runners. The problem may not be you.
It was not this, and that is all I’m going to say.
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@dvoraen said in Something I Need to Say:
I’ve come to the conclusion that matters have silently changed with the second of the two, and as such I needed to keep my distance from them, including Discord.
Before you close the book on this friendship, you might consider asking the person. People lie. This includes staffers on MUs. Sometimes people add something to make their position seem more justified. I would not be at all surprised if the staffer involved had ONE trusted person tell them you were a problem on channels, but told you it was multiple complaints about your behavior on channels and in pages. Even less surprising would be if there were a few remarks about the channel-chat (very likely not even ‘eww, I am uncomfortable’ but ‘hmm, this is a possible red-flag, you might wanna keep an eye on that player’ comments) and none of the three people you paged said anything.
