1 year, 8 months, and 8 days ago, my little boy Shadow died. One day I noticed he was eating less and losing weight. Then he stopped eating completely. Doctors couldn’t find anything. Less than 3 weeks later, he was dead. He was 14.5 years old. t was horrible. But at least I still had his mother, Sable.
Last week, I noticed she was feeling bonier than normal. She was always thin and underweight but not like this. I took her in for and exam and blood test, hoping it was her thyroid. That’s very treatable. Blood test results, if not normal, didn’t indicate anything that would be the cause, just symptoms. Yesterday she had an ultrasound.
There are masses in her abdomen. Without further, expensive testing, they can’t be absolutely certain but it almost certainly is cancer. The vet said three times how sorry he is. She’s 16.5.
And now I get to go through it all again, this inexorable journey towards a yawning abyss of overwhelming, crushing grief and not even one of my kids left. My heart is breaking already and I can only hope it really does on the day that’s inevitably coming.