@KarmaBum Happy Pride Month! ️🧡

Not new to MUSH, but new to this site. So figured I’d start with a positive!

When you think you’re just logging onto a new game because it sounds fun and then over a year later you feel like you’ve always been there. The fact you’ve found friends who, even though you’ve never met face to face, help you feel better on your down days and celebrate with you on your high days. When you check on each other because you both know the other values you as a person/friend before a character/scene.

Glad to be here. Hope to meet new friends and continue interacting with current ones! waves

I want to say first how encouraging it is to see everyone come together and collectively speak out against such disgusting behavior, show support for the person faced with the final staff decision and all around prove the mush community is filled with more good than bad.
Second, I hope you’re all able to self care, hydrate and step back from the keyboard as needed to focus on your own emotional well being.

This topic is one that affects most, let’s be honest likely all, of us to some capacity. Whether experiencing it directly or knowing someone who has experienced it. Sexual harassment/assault is a terrifying experience whether on a game or in person and understandably has various lasting effects.

I’m sorry first of all to @Cobalt that you had to not only face the experience of addressing this situation but how it affected you directly. You handled everything more tactfully, professionally and swiftly than I’d have been able to. To all others on this board who are obviously invested in this topic and conversation, you have my support and my inbox if you need.

@Pavel Also for the reason ‘it’s funny’ made me full cringe. The awareness and still lack of accountability. I wish I could say it made me feel better to have my own experiences and views of the person validated, but it honestly makes me feel ill.

This is a vent and a happy, but I’m posting it here because I’m choosing to focus on the positive so follow me for my roller coaster ride.

I got laid off from my job today. (Booo!)

Tomorrow is my birthday! (Yay!)

My boss said it is no fault of my own, I’m amazing and it’s the company downsizing so she’s giving me severance and has provided a glowing recommendation letter. (Yay!)

My entire household is sick. (Boo!)

I already have three interviews set up after an afternoon of application submissions. (Yay!)

My mini panther is giving me early birthday cuddles! (YAAAAY!)

So yeah.

Real footage of me today:

An All Happy Update!

I’m now older (still waiting on that wiser part)!

The household is less sick.

I got a job offer today!

I still have mini panther cuddles.

As a side note, another real life happy is how much I’ve improved with handling my anxiety even in the last year. Before when I’ve lost my job I’ve fallen into overwhelming depression with self deprecating panic. This time I stayed calm, focused on what positive I still had and knew the situation would change it wasn’t an ‘if’ it was a ‘when’.

Idk if that’s the wiser part. Either way it feels pretty great.

@Wizz said in Tough Calls:

@somasatori said in Tough Calls:

ah yes, brain damage. what a laugh riot

I gotta be honest, that alone would probably be enough for me to tell someone to take a while to reflect and grow somewhere else before trying to play a game I ran again.

This. Media already tries to humorize or romanticize physical, mental, and other struggles enough. It’s triggering. I had someone pull off this ‘grand’ and ‘hilarious’ plot twist in a scene where their character was revealed to have a brain tumor so not only did that 1) Make all their actions ok it 2) Made my character and asshole for not instantly supporting them and me oocly an asshole for removing my char from the story and hook.

My husband was still dealing with his brain tumor at the time. Did the person know that? No. Should I have to tell them or explain how “brain tumors aren’t comedic content” for them to have common sense? No.

The past few months of my life have felt like years in both the most stressful and wonderful ways possible.  I’ve taken on challenges and responsibilities that, even as they were happening, I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to face.  All I knew is that quitting wasn’t an option.

During these months I’ve had to sacrifice significant time from MUSH and other online and RL interactions and, while it was difficult to start with, my journey helped me find a healthier balance and outlook towards life in general.  It’s amazing how the toughest times in our life can also be the best.  How what breaks us down also leaves us stronger than we ever thought we could be.

I’m happier now.  I realize that self care isn’t selfish.  Kindness doesn’t require tolerating mistreatment.  Simply put…life is too damn short to spend it making yourself miserable.

I know realistically I will always struggle with my confidence and worry about letting others down.  It’s just part of being a recovering people pleaser.  It sure does feel nice to finally be in a place where I can look in the mirror and genuinely love the person I’m looking at though.

TL;DR: Life is short.  Love yourself.  You’re worth it.

@hellfrog No she does more than trash talk people on Discord. She creates Discord groups with a Burn Book a la Mean Girls vibe. It starts out as a ‘Oh hey a nice chat group because we’re all on a game or all friends’ and turns into you awkwardly watching her shit on, slut shame and bitch about other people because they dare to not worship her.

Then when you don’t join in or dare to stick up for someone because they’re your friend too she lashes out until you leave the group and block her.

She has major Queen Bee energy. Even Regina George is more likeable.

Having a positive evening of staffing. In both knowing the answer to all the player questions that came up and being able to help a new player have their introduction scene and realizing it was a positive experience. I love being able to be part of other people’s journeys in the same hobby that has been such a significant part of my life.

I still have the classic ‘first scene’ paralysis with a new character. Or anxiety when participating in a large scene. Even though I’ve staffed several games I still also have imposter syndrome a lot of the times as I’m sure so many here can understand.

So having a night where I feel that confidence of “I am deserving of the staff title I’ve been trusted with” and joy of “This is why I love this game/hobby/staff team” is always fun.

TW: Toxic Family/Childhood

While it’s gotten easier as an adult, the holidays are never 100% fun and happy when it comes to travel and time together.

I love my family, but I feel like the time I spend with them is always a balance of positive exchanges weighted by the memories of past difficulties. Am I stepping on eggshells out of habit and imagining the landmines are still there? Or no matter how much better things may have gotten is there some level to which people don’t really change? I’m grateful for the positive memories I never thought I’d have since giving second chances and establishing boundaries. I also can’t discredit the growth I’ve witnessed and apologies I’ve received for these past mistreatments.

Getting older meant I was able to move out on my own, build my own life and finally get therapy for myself. I just thought at some point it would also mean I got over the traumas of my past. The older I get though the more I learn you never ‘get over’ your pain you simply learn a healthier way of living with it. Like a muscle in training, your heart just gets stronger as it becomes used to weight and continued motions of this exercise.

It also helps that I’m surrounded by more people who love me than who hurt me now. I have realized the importance of both my existence and my opinions. No matter what happens in the upcoming weeks, I get to return to a place and routine with people who make me feel valued.

To those who also have a holiday season that is stressful, whether for the above or any other reason: You’ve got this. You matter and we will get through this. This has been late night (early morning??) thoughts with SockMonkey. Thank you for tuning in.

@InkGolem This was the Forum post made back in September explaining things:

@L-B-Heuschkel

Me: “That’s absurd. I don’t want to be my PBs.”

Also me looking at my PBs:

@Pavel Agreed. Self care and boundaries are important for game runners and staff too. In my experience this doesn’t get supported enough.

@KarmaBum Story time.

As far in game experiences, I hooked a char of mine with hers on a previous game because she didn’t seem crazy. In a later game she got upset a char I apped wasn’t ‘right’ for her char. Proceeded to passive aggressively hint at wanting me to make a character for hers because she “missed the connection we shared”.

Didn’t budge. When my char flirted with another char at (my mistake) a business her char owned, when she was not present, she complained to staff and directly paged me how her char would always know what happened in her business even if she wasn’t on game because “It’s her property” and tried to say how her char was going to find mine to bitch at him. Didn’t ask for a scene. Didn’t even ask me. Just said it was happening.

This was after throwing said char after mine in other scenes on game. I turned her down each time. Her whole thing was “The widow who secretly was a virgin and wanted to learn to make love” and it was weird.

I just avoided her at that point. No scenes and no Discord. She proceeded to start a smear campaign and rage to anyone who would listen.

@Gashlycrumb The best advice I got from someone for running my own game is “Your game is your living room you’re inviting people into. You keep the lights on and you don’t owe anyone an explanation for who you let in or not.”

@Testament Along these lines. No matter how many years and how many games I have under my belt?

I get that first scene anxiety every time in a new game.

It’s like “What if I suddenly forget how to type coherently!?”

TW: General reference of current events.

This week has been heavy for obvious reasons. My heart is pained and my emotions have been all sorts of scattered.

As a parent I feel like nothing I say or do is enough to help my kids. There are some questions that don’t have answers. Some explanations just don’t make anything better.

All I can do is sit and cry with them. Or be here as a support when they have nightmares or fears, but it honestly never feels like enough.

Having an emotional day, but thankful for the MUSH community where I can at least distract with plot or find support through friends.

@KarmaBum Well also the character was a male escort. So he didn’t feel like he was the right person to help her with that. He’s like “You need someone who will appreciate that and who you don’t have to pay” but I think her whole approach was eventually him realizing he loved her? Or maybe her just becoming creepy attached to him. After the fact someone warned me she had an rp partner who was on game too and they constantly did jealousy style arcs. So definitely glad I noped out of that one.

@Aria As someone with a long history of admin/executive assistant roles, I share your rage. People hear admin or executive assistant and look down on the person when in reality there are so many hats you wear to successfully achieve such a role. It requires such a vast skill set and involves adapting to so many different approaches.

In order to assist all these different people you have to understand the jobs you’re assisting them with. Which is something people don’t understand themselves. Also “taking a chance” must have been such a discouraging way to be viewed when you were earned that opportunity ten times over so I’m sorry for that.

All that to say -I- think you’re brilliant and am proud of you! Treat yourself!