MU Peeves Thread
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I do kinda’ feel like… as a hobby, we need a masterclass on how to take a hint through text.
For me, I look for enthusiasm and actual action. I give someone time to reach out to me. All it takes is a few instances of someone reaching out for me to understand that this person does indeed want to hang.
If I reach out and get a response, but it’s very lukewarm and they don’t actually follow up, or offer very little assistance in the way of actually planning a scene, I take the hint. Saves us both the trouble. I’ll ask twice, generally, and see if there’s any connection there, but no more.
If NO ONE engages with me after I put in some moderate effort to be fun and friendly on channels and offer to run scenes or Do A Thing, then I tend to write off the crowd as not a good fit for me and move on.
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@Yam I mean, earlier in the intro to mu*ing thread it was mentioned about nuerodiverse our community is. We’d be just as well served by a masterclass on how to communicate a clear boundary instead of relying on hints and easily misinterpreted social cues. But I know that would give plenty of people panic attacks, too. This stuff is all just part of the beautiful mess.
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We do actually have data on how people say that want to be directly told things but then no one actually wants to do that apparently.
I have no idea what to make of it.
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@Yam That’s not unsurprising. The majority of people are understanding and considerate, so they want people to be direct and honest with them. However a minority of people are not understanding or considerate, and the understanding and considerate people don’t want to roll the dice on whether the person they are being direct and honest with is the former rather than the latter.
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@Aria said in MU Peeves Thread:
At that point it’s not harassment, it’s just the other person being annoying by not taking the hint. And my dudes, dropping a hint is not clear communication. It’s deliberately vague communication,
Yep. My own experience with that was finding out that someone felt harassed by my asking for RP and chatting. Thinking, “Yeah, they never actually want to play and they never seem enthusiastic, but they always say they’re stressed/sick RL, and they always say ‘another time’ and they engage with the chat.” Everything about the interaction but the ‘hint’ in their tone said I should continue to reach out, and I thought that ‘hint’ was just them not feeling chipper because illness.
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I mean I’ll ask someone to RP. Then when they don’t or it doesn’t work out; I get all rejection sensitive and never ask again. I just wait for others to ask me.
Spoiler: It doesn’t work well. Also, as much as I thought I was being annoying, I’ve been told I wasn’t annoying. So I just try to ask, but I only do it like twice and then I stop. They now have to engage if they want to.
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@RightMeow This is what killed my excitement for the last game I tried out.
I usually join games by my lonesome, so I reached out to anyone that had hooks that were relevant to my PC or just looked interesting. I got a lot of vague ‘sure in the future’ replies but nothing beyond that. After a couple months of this, I just logged off and never returned.
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@catzilla Just teleport into their living rooms while they’re having dinner. That always works.
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If someone says “we should RP sometime” and you actually do want to RP with them, a good response is “sounds great, what day next week works for you?”
If you just answer “we should rp sometime” with “yeah, we should!” then everyone’s going to explode into a pile of brainweasels and never get the scene going. Somebody has to ask, somebody has to pick a time, effort.
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@Ashkuri And as a corollary, we shouldn’t say “we should RP sometime” as a polite, social, nothing statement like we do when we say “we really should get coffee” to the irritating person you used to work with, and you still see down at the grocery store. Mean what we say and say what we mean.
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I have seen a person get banned around constant loud complaints about asking for RP but they never accepted when people said yes. To me it was clear that they were really only interested in a few specific people, they would spam and handwring on chan when those folks were present and ignore everyone else’s invites or yeses on the lrp channel.
So it wasn’t so much a ban for asking for RP (even though thats the channel where they really were engaging in public problematic behavior) but being passive aggressive/obnoxious/extremely negative on channel.
I’m sure they are fine as a person but it was nice to not have to turn off the lrp channel and being able to use that resource again without having to also deal with their constant complaints that “nobody” would RP with then when in fact people had accepted but weren’t the intended targets of the public asking.
Usually when people act like that in public, they are equally if not more problematic 1:1 or in small groups so not an asset to the game. Maybe this person was an exception but I dunno, could never get them to accept any proactive offer of RP, they never responded to my acceptances of their public asks, and where they showed up to public scenes I or others would set up that their intended targets would come to they would go silent or stompy when that target interacted with others and it didn’t turn into a 1:1 sub scene.
I am almost positive that person’s perception was that they were banned for asking for RP too much. But that wasn’t the real issue of behavior and I doubt even if staff tried to make that clear that the person would have been open to understanding that.
